Question: I am not a psychologist, but am almost sure that my mother suffers from BPD/Narcissistic D. I just visited her and at 81 she is getting worse. She has many of the well known traits but my biggest problem now is how to handle her and her estate. She has become careless with money (money that she will need as she continues to age), she also has macular degeneration and is nearly blind. It is hard to walk away from her and to set personal boundaries, especially because of her blindness. However, I feel ill when I spend time with her. She tells bold face lies to me and about me to my siblings, she brings up only bad memories, and will only sit and smoke endlessly conjuring up stories or spinning an evil web on everything that is said to her. I was her POA until 2 days ago when she removed me of my duties (actually a relief) since I would not go along w her ever changing plans for her money. Now she taunts all of her children with their "inheritence." My brother who lives a mile away and carries most of the burden of helping her, is about crazy himself from all the abuse. He will not communicate w me and said that when he sees my number on his phone that he has been conditioned to not talk to me. Mom tries to control conversations between the 3 siblings and lies to each of us. Obviously, this is a major problem once I told her I wanted no more part of her secrecy and separating us as brothers and sisters. I told her I was going to be open about her estate, and money and that I wanted "NO surprises," to be handed out to my brother and sister when she finally is deceased. She changes her mind continually and impulsively. She removed me as executor and POA and now hired a stranger (lawyer) to care for her estate beacause I asked her to account for $300,000 that disappeared. She cannot even read and I fear may sign her money away at the very least. She uses her money to keep my brother under control and he listens to her because he fears that she may not give him her home when she dies. To me, she taunts me by saying things like you can take your money all at once or in increments and avoid some taxes. Then the next day she will call and say,"I would never spend your kids' inheritence." And ..... that my father was the one who wanted us to have "Something," left to us. Then says he got $25,000 when his parents died. It is like she is looking for a reaction to see what I will say if I don't get a home or a lot of $. It is SICK to me. Then she will say things like, "You thought you were going to retire when I died, didn't you?" It is hurtful and wrong. Not sure how to deal w my feelings about helping her manage her estate. I really do not want the responsibility especially if she does not cooperate w me. She also refuses to do anything for herself. She smokes continually, eats sweets all day, and refuses for someone to come in and help her w nutritious meals. She went to seeing-eye-dog classes, then refused to get the dog. She fights with us about every move. Now she is paranoid about $ and is making up all sorts of stories. My brother and sister and I are all afraid to talk to each other because that is how we are conditioned and have been for all our lives. I told her I was no longer wanting to be a part of her secrecy (which gives her the power to manipulate all of us seperately). I have an appointment w a professional soon to discuss some of this. Two days ago she called me and told me to go to Hell and hung up on me. Then called back about 2 hours later being Mommy Dearest nice Mom. I am emotionally exhausted and really want to wash my hands of it all, but my Brother is sinking fast and needs help and he won't even return texts or calls because he is afraid to. My sister and I barely speak as she has learned also to do whatever Mom wants just to stay sane. How do I get her care and help, and help for my Brother who carries the load of chores and Dr appmts. etc, and manage her $ like she and Dad (deceased) originally requested so that she has the funds she needs. Who knows if she will need a nursing home or what? If she continues to be reckless (like spending $300K a year) she will be out of money sooner than she was expecting. Not sure I can trust some strange lawyer I have never heard of. 3 months ago she tried to cash in her entire estate to buy gold with it all. I got that mess undone and got her on a healthy stable path, I thought. She is driving me crazy emotionally, financially, physically. HELP

She refuses to take her antidepressants and I am not sure if she would agree to other psychtropic drugs. How do I get them prescribed if she will not go to a psychiatrist? I have thought about contacting her primary care physician. Putting them in her food would be difficult since the only time I eat w her is when we dine out. She can barely see, but would question what I was doing. She has a high level of suspicion about everything. Thank you for your reply.