Question: I am a member of the Final Exit Network. I have approximately 1 yr to 18 mos. at most to live. Non-alcohol related liver disease. I am 74 in March. I cannot take the pain much longer. In March our organization is having a demonstration of a "method" which sounds clean, efficient and quick to me but I am not sure I can wait that long. The pain is just so bad.

I have 60 5 mg. tablets of Hydrocodone-Apap, 10 Tramadol tablets, (strength unknown) 43 Temazepam 15 mg. capsules, 50 Eszopiclone 1 mg. tablets, which are a generic for Lunesta, I understand, and 25Amitriprtylin 25 mg. tablets which I have stockpiled for when I cannot take this any longer. I think that is today.

Will these be enough to just put me into a deep sleep from which I will not awaken? I have no family -- my "next of kin" is a 15-1/2 year old, blind, arthritic little dog who I would like to take with me. Her Veterinarian is cooperative and will put her to sleep, then return her little body to me for what he believes will be a backyard burial.

I have been through counseling with both clergy and psychologist. This is what I want to do. Please just let me know if this is enough. All I want to do is end the pain and go to sleep.

I retired from the practice of Clinical and Forensic Psychology after 35 years with Kaiser-Permanente Health Services, Permanente Mental Health Pavillions, in just about every correctional facility jail, prison, juvenile detention center, etc., throughout the states of California, Hawaii, Nevada and Michigan. I am familiar with the psychiatric field, believe me!

The Final Exit Network, formerly called Hemlock Society until Dr. Kevorkian made a fool of us... is currently lobbying for assisted suicide in cases such as mine in my home state. Unfortunately to date it is NOT legal. California and Oregon are the only states which permit physician assisted suicide and then a 1-year residency is required. I do not think I can deal with this for a year. I am unsure if I even have that long.

You answered my question...I believe... You said the quanity of pills I have stockpiled are enough to make me "serious". I am VERY serious. I simply cannot deal with this pain any longer and opioid patches have very little affect anymore. They also cause absesses and blistering to my skin, whichis in poor shape due to my deteriorating condition.

My dear colleague, please understand that ths is what I want to do. This is what I need to do. I simply want to know if I will just go to sleep and not wake up, or will I possibly seize, regurgitate or something equally as distasteful.

Please answer my question. Please trust that I simply cannot endure any more pain.

Thank you,
XXXXXXX O'Quinn, Ph.D

Thank you and please know that I am grateful for your professional opinion. I have an appointment with my Primary Care Physician this afternoon and an appointment with my Gastroenterologist tomorrow. Both know and understand my desire and while neither endorse it per se for professional reasons, my Primary Care Physician, who is also a dear friend whom I have known for nearly 40 years, has indicated she will not stand in my way if this is my decision....and it is, of course.

My Gastroenterologist, a fine physician as well as a friend of approximately 5 years, believes that the taking of one's life is an unpardonable sin and thus does NOT endorse my thinking. Having been raised in the Catholic faith, as has he, I understand this. Some 40 years ago I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons) and while they likewise do not endorse suicide, they have a much less strict position, especially in situations such as mine.

I have discussed my particular case with my clergy -- most of the Church hierarchy in fact -- and they are understanding of my situation and that my level of tolerance has long ago been reached. "Only our Heavenly Father can judge you, Sister O'Quinn." I will not receive assistance from them but neither will I receive opposition. I am comfortable with this.

Again, please accept my sincere thanks for your professional opinion as well as your personal thoughts. I think you must be a very fine therapist and I am proud to have made your acquaintance, albeit but briefly.

Namaste.