Question: For Dr Bishnoi only. It has been really very hard since I got out of the hospital. Same old crap no counseling, etc. loneliness for XXXXXXX etc...I did fb you back but wanted you to know that it is too expensive to live in Israel for us just now and I am so very very disappointed XXXXXXX threatened to call the cops to take me to the hospital last night so that's why I wanted to move out and just find a room...they want me alive at ALL COSTS never mind that I am suffering terribly and would hate them if I was brought back only for more suffering. The only way that I could go to Israel is if somehow XXXXXXX got better and we could be together but I wonder if that will ever happen at all...Every day seems like tens of thousands of years I am not well with the bronchitis and XXXXXXX threatening to call the police AGAIN on me so I would end up in the hospital again is what caused us to fight. I don't trust that he won't do that. The antidepressant isn't working but I suspect its because I have a situational or circumstantial depression. When I have hope that things will work out I feel better but every day here is sheer hell, and now we have to live with my daughter here or she will be out on the street. I can't let that happen to her and there goes the money for Israel...it really seems that what God told me about XXXXXXX and Israel is not true and that I don't really know God after all...that is even more distressing to me than the rest of the stuff going on...not to be able to trust God that He actually told me what would happen, XXXXXXX and Israel and telling the Jews about Jesus. I don't even care about that stuff anymore. My son and my daughter both think its timing but NOTHING is happening that I thought would happen. I am not sure how much I want to be with such a crazy man like XXXXXXX even with the good heart he has..I am afraid and conflicted about everything my whole life. I put off going to the doctor because I hoped I would die of pneumonia and am still not sure I want to go but I am getting sicker nothing is coughing up and I am wheezing a lot...my anti depressants just disappeared not that they were working very well anyway....so who cares..I just don't like that my back and neck hurt so much otherwise would gladly die of pneumonia...really and there is no one I can talk to like that or back to the hospital I go...yeah, (I am being sarcastic now) like THAT ever helped me.....I still come back to the same old problems with no answers and no interests in anything except maybe sometimes Hebrew but not lately..I know its the right thing to do to help my daughter but there goes my dream of going to Israel.....I don't make enough money to put any away so it is just going to disappear and here I will live until I die....it is hard to have good judgment when such crap continues...and if the appeal doesn't go through I will be even more depressed though am not sure how I could be MORE depressed, no XXXXXXX no Israel..I am at my wits end again and now my remeron just disappeared....I hate that clinic and am trying to think of anyway I can get out of going there. it freaks me out as does seeing Dr Purush...I am so terrified of both places....I even made my son sign a paper promising me to never take me to any more hospitals or doctors...I am already on trauma overload from them and can't deal with it anymore..

I am not going to rent a room. The three of us are looking for a house to rent with three bedrooms so that me, XXXXXXX and my daughter will have a better place to live for now XXXXXXX thinks that we can actually save money doing that. She will help replace anything we have to use.The police told XXXXXXX that he could take me even if the paramedics couldn't and I got scared and that only made me more freaked out.But he sometimes gets things mixed up as he is already so stressed out and the Asperger's makes it worse. XXXXXXX and I are both suffering. He wants my daughter's help and she wants to be with us for at least a little while. I could really use her help too. I am not sure short of XXXXXXX how we could afford to ever live in Israel. XXXXXXX has or had a LOT of money at one time and his house here is paid off has hardwood floors etc. He was a millionaire or his parents were.I am just afraid of him now and don't trust him since he has done what he has done. My ex is totally freaked out by him that he will hurt us. I hope the judges have him involuntarily evaluated at least then he will be forced to take medicine.
Do you think that if the injunction is dropped and he is out of psychosis as he seems to be that he is likely to go right back into psychosis or would it be some time before that happens so that we could talk to him in a rational manner if he wants to see us again? My ex husband is really afraid of him which is kind of funny as he is bi polar and nearly killed me several times in his own psychotic episodes. Like XXXXXXX once he starts feeling better he says,"Oh I feel better I don't need this medicine anymore." TOTAL LACK OF INSIGHT that the medicine was making him feel better...he thinks he is different from XXXXXXX but it is only because HE has no insight to his bipolar disorder. Oy such a deal two psychotic man but XXXXXXX is sweeter in reality than XXXXXXX just was more dangerous until recently. XXXXXXX said Michaelo seemed to feel badly that XXXXXXX and I were afraid of him which is sad....he didn't really want to hurt me or XXXXXXX but he did...emotionally anyway...
I know we can talk about XXXXXXX later on but I am still afraid of him...I wish this depression would just leave and the sadness and loneliness for what XXXXXXX and I had before he got so psychotic. The excellent therapist a nice Jewish man picked up on Michael's schizophrenia immediately even though at that point he wasn't in full blown psychosis...he was in a more prodromal phase. He was taking a lot about a woman who was a satanist and it seemed as though a lot of it was true as she might have put a love spell on him and he was totally freaked out by her which is why he kept coming to me and never wanted to leave..he felt safe, protected and loved here.....not safe at all at home...he had been deep into the occult at one time so part of it might have been true. I know my mother was too till the day she died and my kids got so scared as did I of course by the evil of it all but he is also a lover of God...

Thanks Dr B. Another man has expressed interest in me although for what reason I do not know. He is a a widower too but I have never been the kind of woman who can do that. He seems nice enough but I only love XXXXXXX so even if it doesn't work out with XXXXXXX there is NO way I would even want another relationship. I feel sad that XXXXXXX is hurting too. XXXXXXX said he looked sad and hurt, and confused in court when he couldn't talk or be with me. It is such a mess. I keep hoping for the best but am feeling so lousy and so sick that all I feel is sadness. Maybe once I feel better physically I will feel better emotionally too.Today my son is taking me to the Urgent Care where a doctor will look at me.I am not coughing but there is a lot of wheezing in my chest and my ribs and lungs hurt in my back and chest. IT is hard not to have XXXXXXX helping me. When I was sick over a year ago with the flu he did my laundry and came over and dropped it off..Thanks for your kindness andconcern again...
Also the sadness I feel seems so overwhelming. I am not sure why I am so continually sad all the time. The anti depressants have not been working and I lost almost the entire bottle of them anyway so there is no point in even taking them again even if I do find them. I was never depressed like this or sad until the thing with Michaell happened. I don't get why he allied himself with a mean woman and they both laughed at me last year if he loved me so much...but like a child...he seems to have no memory of stuff. Even if the injunction is dropped I am afraid that he will just file another one against me again so what would be the point in contacting him then....and if you don't think that he would harm me, is he likely to harm just a random person and could he become acutely psychotic as quickly as he did before? XXXXXXX saw that schizophrenic relapses follow a pattern of a gradual decline with an almost abrupt coming out of pyschosis on a graph he found on schizophrenia and it freaked him out how fast it happened with XXXXXXX He wants to protect me from Michale hurting me again...how likely or soon is that to happen given that he just seemed to suddenly come out of his psychotic break? Thanks in advance..I am feeling somewhat better today but I got a lot of sleep and need a lot more to feel better. The bronchitis actually seems to have lessened