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Suggest Treatment For Suicidal Thoughts And Feeling Hopeless Along With Phobic And Panic Attacks
Question: Hello,
I am a mother of three children. I am happily married for 16 years. I am an artist and a writer who suffers from ADHD and anxiety. Here is my issue. I live in a home I despise. No matter how much I clean it it always looks and smells dirty. I never wanted to live here (Although I like the town) but we had to move here to accommodate my father in law and mother in law who were older and needed care. My husband never asked my permission, he just assumed the roll of caregiver, although he had 3 older brothers. My mother in law is on hospice and my father in law still lives here. I have grown to really dislike him. He's nice to me generally but when they met me they didn't like me and were not happy when we got married. My mother in law has been a wonderful mother in law, but my father in law is needy, mean and downright racist and rude. I don't think he was a great father and I don't want my kids listening to his rants. He's old and I get it, he's miserable. He's mad because things are changing. He cant drive and his wife is dying. I understand all of this. I do. Its been 8 years, about half our marriage spent caring for them in some way. Meanwhile, my husband works full time, I work part time and go to school. We are raising three little boys on top of this. I am a restless spirit. I have the urge to flee a lot of the time because I simply cant be here, in this space anymore. I love my husband and children so very much and I would never leave them. But the feeling is so strong I have to lock myself in the bathroom to get over the panic attack. I take Ativan daily, and she upped the dosage to 1mg but I find its making me more anxious. (If that's possible.) I don't know what to do. I have NO time to see a psychiatrist, sit in a chair, and talk about my feelings. I can maybe go when my kids are in school in the fall. I can't live like this anymore but I'm stuck. I have no choice. My husband is a good man who doesn't deserve a wife who feels this way. I have thought about killing myself only to quickly realize that I could never do that to my children, my husband or my parents. The fact that I thought about it scares me. I also am a long time sufferer of Rhuematoid Arthritis and I deal with that kind of pain daily. I have a major phobia of people seeing my home because I am too sore and tired to clean it. I cant afford a cleaning lady or anything like that. I snap at my kids all the time. They are good kids and don't deserve that. I don't deserve them. I need help, I know. Please tell me I'm not crazy. Please. I have a good life. My kids are healthy and happy. I have a roof over my head. I know how lucky I am and I don't know why I am feeling like this. Thank you.
XXXXX
I am a mother of three children. I am happily married for 16 years. I am an artist and a writer who suffers from ADHD and anxiety. Here is my issue. I live in a home I despise. No matter how much I clean it it always looks and smells dirty. I never wanted to live here (Although I like the town) but we had to move here to accommodate my father in law and mother in law who were older and needed care. My husband never asked my permission, he just assumed the roll of caregiver, although he had 3 older brothers. My mother in law is on hospice and my father in law still lives here. I have grown to really dislike him. He's nice to me generally but when they met me they didn't like me and were not happy when we got married. My mother in law has been a wonderful mother in law, but my father in law is needy, mean and downright racist and rude. I don't think he was a great father and I don't want my kids listening to his rants. He's old and I get it, he's miserable. He's mad because things are changing. He cant drive and his wife is dying. I understand all of this. I do. Its been 8 years, about half our marriage spent caring for them in some way. Meanwhile, my husband works full time, I work part time and go to school. We are raising three little boys on top of this. I am a restless spirit. I have the urge to flee a lot of the time because I simply cant be here, in this space anymore. I love my husband and children so very much and I would never leave them. But the feeling is so strong I have to lock myself in the bathroom to get over the panic attack. I take Ativan daily, and she upped the dosage to 1mg but I find its making me more anxious. (If that's possible.) I don't know what to do. I have NO time to see a psychiatrist, sit in a chair, and talk about my feelings. I can maybe go when my kids are in school in the fall. I can't live like this anymore but I'm stuck. I have no choice. My husband is a good man who doesn't deserve a wife who feels this way. I have thought about killing myself only to quickly realize that I could never do that to my children, my husband or my parents. The fact that I thought about it scares me. I also am a long time sufferer of Rhuematoid Arthritis and I deal with that kind of pain daily. I have a major phobia of people seeing my home because I am too sore and tired to clean it. I cant afford a cleaning lady or anything like that. I snap at my kids all the time. They are good kids and don't deserve that. I don't deserve them. I need help, I know. Please tell me I'm not crazy. Please. I have a good life. My kids are healthy and happy. I have a roof over my head. I know how lucky I am and I don't know why I am feeling like this. Thank you.
XXXXX
Brief Answer:
anti depressant will help a lot; dont think of dying
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
After reading your story I can see that though you have anxiety and phobias but now depression is also setting in. The desire to kill oneself and feeling hopeless helpless and worthless and getting irritated over small matters are all present and point towards depression. It is quite commonly seen that long term anxiety can lead to depression.
The most important thing right now is to help yourself. I can understand how much demanding is your life right now and also that being a mother and wife and daughter in law, along with a job is making things more hectic. You need to take anti depressant (they will help your anxiety too). Drugs like sertraline or venalafaxine can make you feel normal like before. It will help your coping.
Suicidal ideation is the most important thing to stop right now. The anti depressant will make you good and help you.
Manytimes there are ocd like symptoms in people with anxiety disorder, where the person feels that everything is dirty even though it may be in acceptable limits for most of others. The demands from oneself increases and the satisfaction from own work decreases. The drug will also help this.
Ativan is not the right thing in this situation as it is just for symptomatic management and will not help the nature of illness.
If you want, you can meet your doctor and start any of the above mentioned drugs.
You can start reducing ativan after two weeks of starting the medicine. Dont worry you will surely get better..it not very difficult as it seems right now.
Hope the reply helps.
Wish you good luck!
Dr. Manisha Gopal
MD Neuropsychiatry
anti depressant will help a lot; dont think of dying
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
After reading your story I can see that though you have anxiety and phobias but now depression is also setting in. The desire to kill oneself and feeling hopeless helpless and worthless and getting irritated over small matters are all present and point towards depression. It is quite commonly seen that long term anxiety can lead to depression.
The most important thing right now is to help yourself. I can understand how much demanding is your life right now and also that being a mother and wife and daughter in law, along with a job is making things more hectic. You need to take anti depressant (they will help your anxiety too). Drugs like sertraline or venalafaxine can make you feel normal like before. It will help your coping.
Suicidal ideation is the most important thing to stop right now. The anti depressant will make you good and help you.
Manytimes there are ocd like symptoms in people with anxiety disorder, where the person feels that everything is dirty even though it may be in acceptable limits for most of others. The demands from oneself increases and the satisfaction from own work decreases. The drug will also help this.
Ativan is not the right thing in this situation as it is just for symptomatic management and will not help the nature of illness.
If you want, you can meet your doctor and start any of the above mentioned drugs.
You can start reducing ativan after two weeks of starting the medicine. Dont worry you will surely get better..it not very difficult as it seems right now.
Hope the reply helps.
Wish you good luck!
Dr. Manisha Gopal
MD Neuropsychiatry
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Shanthi.E
Answered by
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