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What Are The Symptoms Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Question: My name is XXXXXXX XXXXXX i work with multinational IT firm as a part of training and recruitment- executive. I am from XXXXXXX XXXXXXX 30 years old, Not married yet. I met an alliance through one of the matrimony websites. The name of the guy is XXXXXXX 34 years old. working with one of the leading BPO's as Vice President- information security. i met XXXXXXX on 7th march 2014. Through matrimony website i learnt that he is divorced, however he was not divorced rather to get divorce in July 20th 2014. It was his love marriage with a Muslim girl. XXXXXXX is Hindu. he was married to this girl for part 8 years and for 4 years before that they were in a relationship with each other. The reason for their divorce given to me by XXXXXXX was that they had temperamental issues. XXXXXXX told me that he was madly in love with this girl and never cheated her when he was married to her, however XXXXXXX had been looking for another life partner when he was not even divorced. He had a casual sex relationship with his bosses secretary for about one year. and another sex relation with another lady for a about six months.
wife: May 2003- July 2014
Relation with bosses secretary (married): Nov 2012- April 2014
Relation with another lady (divorced and has a kid):Nov 2013- March 2014
and a few more casual hang ons.
i requested XXXXXXX to tell me everything about him that he think is important and may affect our relationship if i get to know it later. I assured him that if he will share all the things on his own with me i will never leave him and go, no matter what, i gave him enough space and time to share the things one by one with me but he did not. i happened to discover all the things on my own.
He told me that he has not been living with his wife since past one year now. i visited his apartment and in his absence i saw his drawer full of condoms. i counted the condoms 38 condoms were consumed and 30 were still unconsumed. i could get the count by the condom boxes. I tried to ask XXXXXXX about it and he told me that he has been sexually very active with his bosses secretary. he told me that now its long that he has not met her. Though they work together and he has been sharing my pictures with her and telling her that he is going to get married to me.
In the month of may i was supposed to meet XXXXXX parents and they were to travel from different city as XXXXXXX does not live with his parents. i happened to check XXXXXX phone and saw that he has met his bosses secretary again for a booze, 3 days before i was to meet his parents, has clicked her pictures and deleted them also. i happened to see all this in his phone backup memory which he forgot to delete. when i asked him about this and told him that he seems to be cheating me, he lost his temper and slapped me and told me that i should not be checking his phone and he forgot to share with me that he met her. i felt so sad and went back home.
A few days later i asked XXXXXXX if there is anything else in his life that he would like to share as that would build a strong relation between us. he told me that there is nothing else. i asked him that he had been meeting another girl if he has any physical relation with her, in return he told me that i am sick and that why i think like this about him and his friend. a few days later i got to know from his phone messages that he was fucking around with this girl also and has been telling her that he would marry her, this girl was divorced and had a 10 yr old kid also. XXXXXXX frequently used to visit her and meet his kid and had a sexual relation with this girl also. later i got to know that he had been sleeping around with both the girls. anyways i managed to forgive him for this cause i always used to feel that he is not a bad guy, but has been getting in bad things for some time now.
i had a relationship with a guy (XXXXXX) for past 4 years and the day i met XXXXXXX i told him about XXXXXXX
when i met XXXXXXX 4 years ago i got intimate with XXXXXXX and did not use any precaution, as result i conceived and aborded. and after that i never got indulged in any sexual activity as i was extremely scared. for next 4 years i had no sexual r elation with XXXXXXX or with anyone else. i wanted to share this thing with XXXXXXX but wasnt getting a very positive response and XXXXXXX wasnt able to build trust with me so i was unable to share it with XXXXXXX though i always used to tell him that there is something that i want to share with him but for that he requires to build that trust cause i have never shared this thing with anyone. This was the only thing that i did not share with XXXXXXX though i always wanted to share and expressed the same to him.
lets go back in the story, when XXXXXXX slapped me and i went back home by saying that i am breaking the relation with him, he did not try to stop me at all due to which i was extremely disheartened, so while going back home i met XXXXXXX at his apartment and shared all these things with him as since past 4 years he was acting as my friend and the day i met XXXXXXX i had told XXXXXXX that i would never meet him again as i dont want XXXXXXX to feel uncomfortable about it. so it was after march in XXXXXXX that i met XXXXXXX and he tried to get a little close to me, kissed me and got a lil intimate with me which i was unable to control as i was emotionally broken. i told XXXXXXX that i should not get close to him. so we just stopped it there and went out for coffee. and then he dropped me at his apartment and went to office for night shift, in the morning he came back home and i left for my home.
XXXXXXX still did not call me at all for 4 days.and i felt so bad that he wanted to marry me and now he is not even calling me, i called XXXXXXX and told him that i love him and would wanna be with him. we met and things were going fine once again.
However a few days later i get to know from my XXXXXXX service center, as my phone was not functioning properly so i had taken it to get checked, that there was a spy application installed in my phone. when i learnt more about the spyware i understood that my phone was acting as 24*7 active mic and camera. i was shocked to know that. i was sure that XXXXXXX has installed this application in my phone. this was a paid application that XXXXXXX had installed in my phone since past 45 days. he was able to read all my messages/ chats/ whatsapp messages/ emails. he was able to hear all my incoming /out going calls. he was able to hear all the surrounding sounds and chats that i am doing with anyone. he was able to click pictures from my phone / see all the pictures. he was able to see my exact location all the times he was able to hear each and every conversation that i am doing with anyone over the phone or without phone as this app was acting like a surveillance 24*7. i was scandalized when i got to know this.
when i spoke with XXXXXXX he accepted that he has installed the app in my phone, however he had no bad intention and is possessive about me . he told me that he has not done anything bad to me, he has just spyed.
now my parents dont want me to marry him.
yes!!! later on i got to know that he was living with his uncle for some time before his marriage and he fucked his sister (with her concent) and was regular with that. he had an affair with his sister for 1 year
XXXXXXX says that he has done mistakes and now he doesnt wanna do anymore and wants to live a simple life. but he does not demonstrate that he was to live a simple life. had that been a case he would have never spyed on me. one more thing... he told me that he never had an intercourse with his wife.
i am unable to understand what to do. if its ok to marry him or not.
yes along with this he has a lil medical problem also.
he takes below mentioned tablets and i discovered this also on my owr he only told me that he was suffering from vertigo:
Lamitor OD100
Modalert 200
Finax- finasteride tablet 1mg
Nexito 20Cobadex CZS
Lametec 25 DT
Betacap 20 Inderal 10
Cipralex 5mg
zapiz
atizolm
Duralast
Forzest
(duralast and forzest are the two tablets which i found in his travel bag/ office laptop bag and in drawer at home so i searched online and got to know the benefits of these two tablets they help in erection. and when i asked XXXXXXX about it he told me that these were purchased long ago to experiment sex with his wife. but how is that possible he has already told me that he never tried intercourse with his wife as she was a turn off for him.
i am extremely confused and need expert help.
i really want to marry XXXXXXX but i donno if he will treat me like other women in his life and if he would cheat me like he cheated others.
PLEASE HELP!!!
i had written the above lines a month ago to an online consuultant however did not get any reply.
in addition to the above, XXXXXXX has been extremely violent, compromised my dignity. i am not an internet person and do not read much, but after experiencing so many things with XXXXXXX i searched online and felt that he is suffering from narcassist personality disorder. please help me or please help him.. i am getting sleepless nights, just not able to sleep. please advise.
wife: May 2003- July 2014
Relation with bosses secretary (married): Nov 2012- April 2014
Relation with another lady (divorced and has a kid):Nov 2013- March 2014
and a few more casual hang ons.
i requested XXXXXXX to tell me everything about him that he think is important and may affect our relationship if i get to know it later. I assured him that if he will share all the things on his own with me i will never leave him and go, no matter what, i gave him enough space and time to share the things one by one with me but he did not. i happened to discover all the things on my own.
He told me that he has not been living with his wife since past one year now. i visited his apartment and in his absence i saw his drawer full of condoms. i counted the condoms 38 condoms were consumed and 30 were still unconsumed. i could get the count by the condom boxes. I tried to ask XXXXXXX about it and he told me that he has been sexually very active with his bosses secretary. he told me that now its long that he has not met her. Though they work together and he has been sharing my pictures with her and telling her that he is going to get married to me.
In the month of may i was supposed to meet XXXXXX parents and they were to travel from different city as XXXXXXX does not live with his parents. i happened to check XXXXXX phone and saw that he has met his bosses secretary again for a booze, 3 days before i was to meet his parents, has clicked her pictures and deleted them also. i happened to see all this in his phone backup memory which he forgot to delete. when i asked him about this and told him that he seems to be cheating me, he lost his temper and slapped me and told me that i should not be checking his phone and he forgot to share with me that he met her. i felt so sad and went back home.
A few days later i asked XXXXXXX if there is anything else in his life that he would like to share as that would build a strong relation between us. he told me that there is nothing else. i asked him that he had been meeting another girl if he has any physical relation with her, in return he told me that i am sick and that why i think like this about him and his friend. a few days later i got to know from his phone messages that he was fucking around with this girl also and has been telling her that he would marry her, this girl was divorced and had a 10 yr old kid also. XXXXXXX frequently used to visit her and meet his kid and had a sexual relation with this girl also. later i got to know that he had been sleeping around with both the girls. anyways i managed to forgive him for this cause i always used to feel that he is not a bad guy, but has been getting in bad things for some time now.
i had a relationship with a guy (XXXXXX) for past 4 years and the day i met XXXXXXX i told him about XXXXXXX
when i met XXXXXXX 4 years ago i got intimate with XXXXXXX and did not use any precaution, as result i conceived and aborded. and after that i never got indulged in any sexual activity as i was extremely scared. for next 4 years i had no sexual r elation with XXXXXXX or with anyone else. i wanted to share this thing with XXXXXXX but wasnt getting a very positive response and XXXXXXX wasnt able to build trust with me so i was unable to share it with XXXXXXX though i always used to tell him that there is something that i want to share with him but for that he requires to build that trust cause i have never shared this thing with anyone. This was the only thing that i did not share with XXXXXXX though i always wanted to share and expressed the same to him.
lets go back in the story, when XXXXXXX slapped me and i went back home by saying that i am breaking the relation with him, he did not try to stop me at all due to which i was extremely disheartened, so while going back home i met XXXXXXX at his apartment and shared all these things with him as since past 4 years he was acting as my friend and the day i met XXXXXXX i had told XXXXXXX that i would never meet him again as i dont want XXXXXXX to feel uncomfortable about it. so it was after march in XXXXXXX that i met XXXXXXX and he tried to get a little close to me, kissed me and got a lil intimate with me which i was unable to control as i was emotionally broken. i told XXXXXXX that i should not get close to him. so we just stopped it there and went out for coffee. and then he dropped me at his apartment and went to office for night shift, in the morning he came back home and i left for my home.
XXXXXXX still did not call me at all for 4 days.and i felt so bad that he wanted to marry me and now he is not even calling me, i called XXXXXXX and told him that i love him and would wanna be with him. we met and things were going fine once again.
However a few days later i get to know from my XXXXXXX service center, as my phone was not functioning properly so i had taken it to get checked, that there was a spy application installed in my phone. when i learnt more about the spyware i understood that my phone was acting as 24*7 active mic and camera. i was shocked to know that. i was sure that XXXXXXX has installed this application in my phone. this was a paid application that XXXXXXX had installed in my phone since past 45 days. he was able to read all my messages/ chats/ whatsapp messages/ emails. he was able to hear all my incoming /out going calls. he was able to hear all the surrounding sounds and chats that i am doing with anyone. he was able to click pictures from my phone / see all the pictures. he was able to see my exact location all the times he was able to hear each and every conversation that i am doing with anyone over the phone or without phone as this app was acting like a surveillance 24*7. i was scandalized when i got to know this.
when i spoke with XXXXXXX he accepted that he has installed the app in my phone, however he had no bad intention and is possessive about me . he told me that he has not done anything bad to me, he has just spyed.
now my parents dont want me to marry him.
yes!!! later on i got to know that he was living with his uncle for some time before his marriage and he fucked his sister (with her concent) and was regular with that. he had an affair with his sister for 1 year
XXXXXXX says that he has done mistakes and now he doesnt wanna do anymore and wants to live a simple life. but he does not demonstrate that he was to live a simple life. had that been a case he would have never spyed on me. one more thing... he told me that he never had an intercourse with his wife.
i am unable to understand what to do. if its ok to marry him or not.
yes along with this he has a lil medical problem also.
he takes below mentioned tablets and i discovered this also on my owr he only told me that he was suffering from vertigo:
Lamitor OD100
Modalert 200
Finax- finasteride tablet 1mg
Nexito 20Cobadex CZS
Lametec 25 DT
Betacap 20 Inderal 10
Cipralex 5mg
zapiz
atizolm
Duralast
Forzest
(duralast and forzest are the two tablets which i found in his travel bag/ office laptop bag and in drawer at home so i searched online and got to know the benefits of these two tablets they help in erection. and when i asked XXXXXXX about it he told me that these were purchased long ago to experiment sex with his wife. but how is that possible he has already told me that he never tried intercourse with his wife as she was a turn off for him.
i am extremely confused and need expert help.
i really want to marry XXXXXXX but i donno if he will treat me like other women in his life and if he would cheat me like he cheated others.
PLEASE HELP!!!
i had written the above lines a month ago to an online consuultant however did not get any reply.
in addition to the above, XXXXXXX has been extremely violent, compromised my dignity. i am not an internet person and do not read much, but after experiencing so many things with XXXXXXX i searched online and felt that he is suffering from narcassist personality disorder. please help me or please help him.. i am getting sleepless nights, just not able to sleep. please advise.
Brief Answer:
It seems he have some pychiatric disorder
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concern.
There is two things are very clear from this query.
1. One, you are madly in love with Mr XXXXXXX who seems have lot of problems or misadventures in his life, for reasons best known to him.
Second, He is suffering with some psychiatric disorder, which I could not make out with confirmation, as diagnosis depends on the interaction with patient and family members both. As you said it may be narcissistic personality disorder as there are some features but still he need to be examined by a psychiatrist.
With available history it seems that, he may be case of Borderline personality disorder in which people are very shallow in relationship and have strong fear of abandonmnt. Person with narcisstic personality disorder unlikely to install a spy software.
Having said this, I feel you need to see a psychologist/ psychiatrist in person with XXXXXXX before going to tie the nuptial knot. You need to get confirmation of his diagnosis and outcome of his illness as you will be there with for life time (in case you decide to marry him). The psychiatrist will talk to him, may run some tests, and may decide the outcome of relationship with this guy.
'Hope I have answered your query. If you have any further questions I will be happy to help".
Thanks
It seems he have some pychiatric disorder
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concern.
There is two things are very clear from this query.
1. One, you are madly in love with Mr XXXXXXX who seems have lot of problems or misadventures in his life, for reasons best known to him.
Second, He is suffering with some psychiatric disorder, which I could not make out with confirmation, as diagnosis depends on the interaction with patient and family members both. As you said it may be narcissistic personality disorder as there are some features but still he need to be examined by a psychiatrist.
With available history it seems that, he may be case of Borderline personality disorder in which people are very shallow in relationship and have strong fear of abandonmnt. Person with narcisstic personality disorder unlikely to install a spy software.
Having said this, I feel you need to see a psychologist/ psychiatrist in person with XXXXXXX before going to tie the nuptial knot. You need to get confirmation of his diagnosis and outcome of his illness as you will be there with for life time (in case you decide to marry him). The psychiatrist will talk to him, may run some tests, and may decide the outcome of relationship with this guy.
'Hope I have answered your query. If you have any further questions I will be happy to help".
Thanks
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
Answered by
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