Sign-in to Ask A Doctor - 24x7
OR
Sign in with Google
What Causes Anxiety In Public, Uncomfortability Around Opposite Sex?
Question: Hi, I think I have crowd fear and especially when girls are around. I don't feel comfortable and I am always conscious in public places. I am scared of getting embarassed in public. Probably because i was always a geek and did not mix up much.
However there is another side of me, a power hungry, attention seeking, an extremely confident side. I love being on stage, singing and giving presentations. In fact people tell me that I am really good at these. So if you put me in the centre and ask me to manage I will show no fear, as my attention seeking side will come up but otherwise my crowd fearing side comes to the fore. I think, I am not scared everytime, only at the places where I have no idea about, like in specific restaurants and hotels where I have no idea how to have that dish. I feel uncomforatble when ladies are around (again not when I am at centerstage, because I know I do well in those situations). I have been extremely good at studies, graduated from one of the best colleges in the country. I am earning very well. Lookwise I am tall and above average. Other ppl in my situation would be proud and overconfident. Yet I feel uncomfortable especially around girls.
I think lack of girls in my friend circle has made me this way.
My understanding is that girls make me uncomfortable in some situations (not when my attention seeking side is active). How do I overcome this and my crowd fear? I dress to my best and only then leave the house. I try my best to not to embarass myself in public. I am very sensitive and try to make people comfortable. However small things can upset me, as in the manner a person talks to me etc. just adding so that it helps in developing a profile about me. I want to end this fear once and for all.
However there is another side of me, a power hungry, attention seeking, an extremely confident side. I love being on stage, singing and giving presentations. In fact people tell me that I am really good at these. So if you put me in the centre and ask me to manage I will show no fear, as my attention seeking side will come up but otherwise my crowd fearing side comes to the fore. I think, I am not scared everytime, only at the places where I have no idea about, like in specific restaurants and hotels where I have no idea how to have that dish. I feel uncomforatble when ladies are around (again not when I am at centerstage, because I know I do well in those situations). I have been extremely good at studies, graduated from one of the best colleges in the country. I am earning very well. Lookwise I am tall and above average. Other ppl in my situation would be proud and overconfident. Yet I feel uncomfortable especially around girls.
I think lack of girls in my friend circle has made me this way.
My understanding is that girls make me uncomfortable in some situations (not when my attention seeking side is active). How do I overcome this and my crowd fear? I dress to my best and only then leave the house. I try my best to not to embarass myself in public. I am very sensitive and try to make people comfortable. However small things can upset me, as in the manner a person talks to me etc. just adding so that it helps in developing a profile about me. I want to end this fear once and for all.
Brief Answer:
Systemic desensitization is one option to help you
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concern.
After going through with details that you provided in query I do not feel you are suffering with phobic disorder.
I feel that there is only lack of confidence that making it difficult for you to face particular situations.
Definitely for gaining confidence you need to confront the fearful situations as much as possible.
Running away from the situations is not going to help and you have to stand irrespective of the situations or presence of girls.
Secondly try to mingle well with girls that you know well. Try to learn how they feel about you and appreciate you. Once you get positive feedback from them you will feel empowered and will be able to tackle the situation.
Thirdly rehearsal well before going to some strange places. Just imagine what is going to happen and try to know them as much as possible.
Finally there is fact that everyone of us has flaws. We can not be master of everything or in every regard. That is the truth and will prevail over all things. Learn to use what you have and how to get more but not on the cost of losing one which you have above average or in plenty.
In case you tried all these things than you can meet a psychiatrist in your city to get therapy known as systemic desensitization which is very helpful in such problems.
Hope I am able to answer your concerns.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for me, so that I get a good feedback.
Thanks and regards
Dr Ashok Kumar
Systemic desensitization is one option to help you
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concern.
After going through with details that you provided in query I do not feel you are suffering with phobic disorder.
I feel that there is only lack of confidence that making it difficult for you to face particular situations.
Definitely for gaining confidence you need to confront the fearful situations as much as possible.
Running away from the situations is not going to help and you have to stand irrespective of the situations or presence of girls.
Secondly try to mingle well with girls that you know well. Try to learn how they feel about you and appreciate you. Once you get positive feedback from them you will feel empowered and will be able to tackle the situation.
Thirdly rehearsal well before going to some strange places. Just imagine what is going to happen and try to know them as much as possible.
Finally there is fact that everyone of us has flaws. We can not be master of everything or in every regard. That is the truth and will prevail over all things. Learn to use what you have and how to get more but not on the cost of losing one which you have above average or in plenty.
In case you tried all these things than you can meet a psychiatrist in your city to get therapy known as systemic desensitization which is very helpful in such problems.
Hope I am able to answer your concerns.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for me, so that I get a good feedback.
Thanks and regards
Dr Ashok Kumar
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
Answered by
Get personalised answers from verified doctor in minutes across 80+ specialties
