Question: Dr Seikhoo Bishnoi. Why would XXXXXXX want to keep the injunction in place if he cared about me? Before I appealed it he seemed to want to talk to me but now he not only keeps his emails blocked he doesn't try to get the injunction dismissed. Does this mean that he no longer cares about me or what? I am so upset about this again. Tonight it snowed and I was so sad thinking of how we had been together two years ago today and on Thanksgiving at his house. I feel so rejected and abandoned. I can't help it. My adrenals are badly fatigued and therefore my seratonin levels are low. I try to not be depressed and for the most part am not but this is always a pain that never goes away.

I feel so rejected and abandoned. He used to love me...I am so heartbroken. My sadness is not like it was but I don't get how he could love me and still think I was going to hurt him. His biggest fear was going to the hospital. do you think anything will happen to make him want to come back to me? Or as you say anything could happen? Could he maybe start to love me again? Or not? I am trying to figure out what made him think that I could ever hurt him. He used to say he could forgive me anything because I have so much heart...I don't think I will ever be happy again not really. Nothing I do or being with XXXXXXX or XXXXXXX really helps me much. I still love him and am heartbroken. I can't talk to anyone about him anymore only you. No one will talk to me about him they all want me to forget him and I cannot do that not for good. I have some times in the day when I don't think about him but then there are other times when I think about him all the time...even at SHabbat I can't forget him because his name is the beginning of all the prayers XXXX. XXXX last name....

Okay. I am feeling better today than last night..it comes and goes about this thing with XXXXXXX .I am trying to think about getting more money. XXXXXXX has almost $1000 in the bank and is going to help me buy the things I need the chiropractor for one and then some other things. He is a good son..I love him so much..he believes that God will heal XXXXXXX and we both pray for his healing every day..whether it is a miracle of someone gets him evaluated..

If XXXXXXX gets worse I hope he does something that someone will see that he needs treatment and call the police and he gets help. I am afraid he is going to hurt or kill someone or act on the command hallucinations...then he will end up in jail or worse. He doesn't own a gun but he has seriously hurt two people in the past one was his former partner and the other his ex wife. He said that XXXXXXX deserved to be hurt and he beat her up as well as his partner.

I am sorry Dr B..I go in and out with this thing with XXXXXXX but last night I slept though not very much.
I am also sad as the only time I get to see XXXXXXX is on SHabbat. His Dad will not let him drive the truck to see me or if he knows XXXXXXX and I want to do anything. He and his wife are so mean spirited and do not allow me to be part of XXXXXXX 's life. I do not have a car and am down to only $130 for the next three weeks. Not sure how I can keep living this way and with XXXXXXX gone the only person I see is XXXXXXX ..I am not sure how long I want to live like this..I am so lonely. There is no way I can go out to do anything anymore as I have no money to hire transportation..I just wish that I could die. It would be so much easier.

thanks Dr B. XXXXXXX is such a good son. He still truly believes that God will heal XXXXXXX yet and bring him back to us. And as XXXXXXX is working he is going to give me $200 tomorrow to help me out. He is such a good son. I just don't know about XXXXXXX though as he has changed his phone number and is going to only have the store one more year.If nothing happens by then then I am not sure if there is anything I can do as he no longer has a home phone number. He changed his cell phone number last year after XXXXXXX called him. He said I was calling and calling him when we were in court but I was not. I called him one time last year at the end of the year but he must hear voices that sound like me is all I can figure out. I am not sure what is going on with him. It is strange but tonight XXXXXXX and I had a really good time and she also thinks that God is talking to me because every time I turn around someone named XXXXXXX is in my path. She had a crush on an actor named XXXXXXX T. Weiss a Jewish man from XXXXXXX My XXXXXXX is a Jewish man from Los Angeles born in New York. I think it was strange that tonight there was another man named XXXXXXX who checked us out at the grocery store. I am not sure if I will ever see him again but XXXXXXX and XXXXXXX believe that he will be back in our lives. I wish I believed that. It makes no sense to me that is for sure. But they are not delusional and they believe he will be back very strongly. I do wish he would lift the injunction. After all this time what could he think I was going to do..
Could he still think he is protecting me from himself or do you think he has developed another delusion different from that one?
When I was with him he was seeing angels, demons and Jesus. He could have been seeing them for real as I saw them when I was little. I had a vision of Jesus and many true Christians who are not psychotic do. It happened when I was wondering what I was supposed to do in life and many bible people saw Jesus too...but it was peaceful and there were no VOICES..rather it was a picture in my mind of Him...my son and I are really strong believers in Jesus as is XXXXXXX but he got so off hearing entities talk to him...I wish that he would just get help and get on medicine to help him with his violent voices telling him to kill people and probably kill me...I guess he isn't going to do that though.

Okay. I am very sad and despondent today but I have not been sleeping well and having bad dreams. I hope that the bad dreams stop soon. I am not happy today and usually in the morning I am better than at night but not today I guess..