i ve been tired for so long. every day my body aches, my upper back feels like it has a knot in it. i don t want to do anything anymore. i have no interest in anything except sleep. i stay up all night and cannot sleep, then sleep away the day....when i wake up i feel guilty for being so worthless. i put a gun in my mouth last night to see what it felt like...it wasn t as cold as i thought it would be. i wasn t really planning on killing myself...i don t think.....but if i accidentally did....it would have been ok. i can t keep a job, i sometimes do not shower for a week at a time, the thought of it make me tired, it seems like such a chore. i have no reason to feel this way. nothing tragic has happened. i have no energy. i think a lot about dying, it doesn t scare me like it used to. i don t really want to...but really don t care. its rather embarrassing...i have children...i avoid them. i m afraid they will see how i am and think badly of themselves....then i feel bad for not spending time with them...my poor wife. i don t know why she has not left me.