Hello. I Am A 15 Year Old Girl With A

Hello. I am a 15 year old girl with a serious question. I'm honestly not so sure about this since the internet can't always be trusted, so I'm taking what I consider to be a big risk with asking you this. I'm not sure how long it's been, but it has been at least a few months now since I started to feel this way. I started to have moments when I would just be completely unmotivated to do anything and just feel empty and sudden random bursts of childlike happiness. Now, the moods just seem to linger and the bursts of happiness seem less and less frequent. I can smile and laugh and stuff in public, but I don't know how to feel when I'm alone. I feel alone and empty and really insecure, like I'm walking on eggshells around people. My thoughts only seem to put me down more when I'm alone and I have contradicting thoughts. For example, not wanting to do something such as self harm, but then immediately having another thought that encourages it. I have actually started to cut myself, even though it's just scraping my legs enough to bleed with a normal razor. Recently, I haven't been sleeping well through the night. I wake up on and off at least a few times or have what I consider disturbing dreams when I do sleep until at least early morning. My appetite is constantly changing. Sometimes I want to do nothing but eat/snack and other times I don't want to eat and have to make myself eat something to make sure I eat at least three times a day. I've actually felt hungry enough to eat a full meal and ended up satisfied after a small snack. Sometimes activities distract me, but other times they don't and I just end up not finishing them. I'm not suicidal, but I'm scared it will get to that point and I don't want that. I feel like people don't care when I know they do. I want to at least tell my best friend and she knows I have something important to tell her now, but I'm very afraid of how she will take it and such since I actually rather socially awkward. Not to mention I haven't received any kind of professional diagnosis and have only guessed based on internet research that I may possibly have depression and maybe anxiety, but I can't be sure. I don't feel like what's going on is normal, so I want to know what a professional thinks even if it is only an assumption based on what I've written. I can't really believe it when I'm complimented and I feel unneeded and needy since it's like I have to constantly be reminded that I'm cared for and I start to doubt it. I apologize for this being kind of long and confusing. This is my first time doing something like this and I don't even know for sure if I mentioned everything. But still, thank you for taking the time to at least read this since I'm sure there are others who are doing worse than I am.