Hello, I Hope You Can Answer And Advise, But Please

Hello, I hope you can answer and advise, but please prepare yourself, it's a long one, I suffered my first seizure in USA 1968 and after many test all negative it was said because they didn't know what to name it they called it epilepsy. I was put on 300 Dilantin (there) and phenobarbital (dosage can't rwemember) I had 3 children home and demanding job and felt very tired and listless, the phenobarbital was taken off and I recovered and remained successfully on the Epanutin for many yrs with no seizures. I came back to England in 1981 and had to get more medication so the GP I signed with sent me to Royal Free who told me immediately that the 200 per day which was reduced in US, was no good aND UP IT TO 300 P D ADDING mYSOLINE and I should come back in 5 yrs. I suffered seizures 1 yr at night in bed when I would wet the bed, then 6 mos. then monthly all seizures were nightly of this type and I went back to Hosp for the 5 yr apt and put into their clinic. the Reg. told me I had to come off the Epanutin as if you take it more than 25 yrs it can make you shake. I wasn't shaking then and was happy with it except for the added seizures I thought due to added dosage and added med.mysoline. what med. he put me on I don't know as this was the beginning of a long run of horror med.s. Regs. changing with their own med ideas and nothing working to my benefit. The last one told me there are no orther medas we can use and that was Lamotrigine. I began to shake/trwemor have balance problems but no GP or neuro even chemist would accept it was the new med. I've been on this for 20 yrs now and have suffered most of the side effects on their list, I transferred to UCLH but was frightened off by the thought of brain drilling and my shake is not just in head, started as upper torso, effects arms, hands now legs, so most body. (The Botox Needle in neck which they want me to have, I have refused as my head is not my problem). Some months ago a friend told me I needed encouragement and went to dinner with 1 glass wine, I soon discovered what a glass of wine could do and although not every day, if I wanted to do something delecate, had a glass wine. This was many month ago and have found that when that 1 glass wears off and the shakes come back IT WEARS ME OUT. I'm very dependant on alcohol now thinking it is for medical reasons. the very word epanutin is gold to me as it was so good. I guess my question is, is it too late for me now, I think maybe I am an alcoholic. GPs have taken Liver test and say not good but if go on as am in 3 mos could be bad,( but really liver/kidney one of side effects of this lamotrigine) I would not like to drink like I do but I don't want to shake either like I do. Present Neuro has agreed to wean me off Lamotrigine onto new drugTopiramate which most side effect is seizure/fit. I'm on 50mg now and am too worried to go higher to the 100mg prescribed. the other two drugs he has for me if this doesn't work I think is Gabapentin and Primidone. I am sorry for this long drawn out description of my problem, but with all the side effects of this now appearing and no good future hope I am feeling I am being killed of slowly, or am dying slowly, am 71 now, but had better say I have bowel cancer, went through chemo radiotherapy, successful op, more chemo and am now on 6 mos scans. The shaking/meds is my biggest problem. Any help would be appreciated. Pearl Gordon