How To Overcome Masturbation And Control Sexual Desire?

Doc,am 46 yrs lady who had abstained until marriage.My husband had no interest with romance or foreplay during sex and so i did not develop any affection towards him.He did not have any spell of love but we continued having sex any time he need it .I tried to be romantic to him but all te time he rebuked me and for the sex time to come.The experience was really painful. Later i suffered loneliness and shared with him several times.He went for counseling but practiced love only for few days later he told me that he can be able to carry on he is not used. He was not working and this made me a family provider.Though both of us are born again,i started playing a role of our family like a man.The sense of a wife vanished and felt single and lonely everyday.I resisted many men who could come on my way because i wanted to remain married and faithful.My sexual life was affected mentally.I could enjoy sex only if i imagine of unknown man loving me and talking romance to me.It advance to appoint where i could talk romance to myself.I shared it with my husband but may be due to his level of education he could not understand or may be due to lack of exposure of marriage life.At age 44,my sexual desires became high and this time i shared with him but still the normal routine life continued.I was tempted to have an extra-marital relationship and during this time life in my family was very comfortable,i was very happy to be loved and satisfied.Due to my faith i ended this relationship.I love our children and i would not wish to hurt them in a broken marriage also.The end of this extra marital relationship left a gap in me that is now filled with masturbation,something i had not thought that i could do,but i prefer it that moving out with men.My position is that i hate my husband because of neglecting my love life.Though at most now he can call me darling,it cannot sink in me because it seems as a cheat that has to be there to maintain and coverup a painful marriage.I have neglected severally why i gone married.I am in that marriage due to the fact that we have to remain strong for my children and for the work of GOD(Pastoring a church). Doc,How can i overcome masturbation?It is a sin to married people and at what age will i have less sexual desires which are manageable without this surrounding issues?What are the side effects to me as a lady? Dear doctor please help.Emmy, YYYY@YYYY .