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How To Tackle Child Tantrums?
Hello doctor, My 8 year old girl is taking all energy out of me. There ard 2 parts of her behaviour. She is a very obidient kid in school and is doing good academically. She was going to classes like music , dance and a instrument. All her teacher appreciate her and say that she is mature and learns very sincerely. With just 2 weeks of teaching she managed to write Kannada and even gave exam in school nd managed to get good marks though she is not very familiar with language. Teachers says she is a quite girl. Kids around house adore her as she is very well behaved. Now coming to home front, she is extremely difficult child. She does not listen to any simple instruction. All tasks are power struggle and very difficult to get things done. Starting from brushing in the morning till sleeping in the night She argues endlessly and it is very difficult to get her do her work. She refuses to understand consequences and insists on following only her rule. Simple task of brushing can take 1 hr. How to tackle kid like her? And why she behaves differently at home and school? I seem to loose patience with her when she does not obey even after telling nicely 5-6 times and telling stirnly afterwords. She does get spanking sometimes and she is not afraid of it and it happens when she pushes us far where we loose control. We do know that spanking as a tool is not at all effective nor does nice talking or explaining the logic.she pushes us at wit s end. Regards,
Thu, 7 Apr 2016
Dear Parent,
From the information you are giving, it is very clear that your daughter indeed is very smart and intelligent. I would like to congratulate you for her achievements at school and in extra curricular activities at this age.
I can see a distinct difference in the way she is treated at school, with friends and at home. I would like to point out that children at 7-8 years of age are very susceptible to praise.
I would point out the things from your questions only. "All her teachers appreciate her and say that she is mature and learns very sincerely.", "Teachers say she is a quiet girl.", "kids around her adore her." So whenever she does something good, she is appreciated and praised by her teachers and her friends. Probably, she is used as an example by teachers for other students. All this boosts her up, motivates her and she is always compelled to do even better. This is called positive reinforcement.
Now, at home, she is always asked to do something and if she does not do it, she is scolded and sometimes spanked. I don't know if she is praised at home for doing something as she is praised at school. Instead, she is negatively reinforced at home and she might be feeling demotivated and hopeless following your instructions.
One thing good about kids is, it is very easy to modify their behavior by changing some simple things in our behavior. You can also start her reinforcing positively at home. Stop shouting at her for small things like tooth brushing for few days. Instead, whenever she does something good or on her own, praise her or give her a very small reward like chocolate or her favorite snack or a small toy. Do not complain about her to others in front of her. Instead, praise her as much as possible when she is in the hearing zone. Also take care not to do false praise or exaggerate your words, as kids are indeed very smart.
You should stop spanking at all. It will make your child rebel against you and it gives a message to a child's brain that spanking someone is okay. So she might do it to her friends or siblings. Do have some patience and also tell other members of the family to change their behavior towards your daughter too. I know you love your kid and things will be fine.
I hope this information helps. Thank you for choosing HealthCareMagic. Do seek us again if you have any other queries. Again, congratulations for such a good kid and good luck!
Best Regards,
Dr. Viraj Shah
From the information you are giving, it is very clear that your daughter indeed is very smart and intelligent. I would like to congratulate you for her achievements at school and in extra curricular activities at this age.
I can see a distinct difference in the way she is treated at school, with friends and at home. I would like to point out that children at 7-8 years of age are very susceptible to praise.
I would point out the things from your questions only. "All her teachers appreciate her and say that she is mature and learns very sincerely.", "Teachers say she is a quiet girl.", "kids around her adore her." So whenever she does something good, she is appreciated and praised by her teachers and her friends. Probably, she is used as an example by teachers for other students. All this boosts her up, motivates her and she is always compelled to do even better. This is called positive reinforcement.
Now, at home, she is always asked to do something and if she does not do it, she is scolded and sometimes spanked. I don't know if she is praised at home for doing something as she is praised at school. Instead, she is negatively reinforced at home and she might be feeling demotivated and hopeless following your instructions.
One thing good about kids is, it is very easy to modify their behavior by changing some simple things in our behavior. You can also start her reinforcing positively at home. Stop shouting at her for small things like tooth brushing for few days. Instead, whenever she does something good or on her own, praise her or give her a very small reward like chocolate or her favorite snack or a small toy. Do not complain about her to others in front of her. Instead, praise her as much as possible when she is in the hearing zone. Also take care not to do false praise or exaggerate your words, as kids are indeed very smart.
You should stop spanking at all. It will make your child rebel against you and it gives a message to a child's brain that spanking someone is okay. So she might do it to her friends or siblings. Do have some patience and also tell other members of the family to change their behavior towards your daughter too. I know you love your kid and things will be fine.
I hope this information helps. Thank you for choosing HealthCareMagic. Do seek us again if you have any other queries. Again, congratulations for such a good kid and good luck!
Best Regards,
Dr. Viraj Shah
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