I Am 56 And Weigh 300 Lbs. I'm 5'2. I

I am 56 and weigh 300 lbs. I'm 5'2. I just had blood work done and I am in good health. The only bad report was that I am severely overweight. I know that is up to me to control. Every time I think I can control this something comes up to sabotage it. I don't know what to do it what to eat. I am my 88 year old mother's caregiver and she is always confused. I moved in to a house with her and my daughter to take care of her. It is very draining to be a caregiver. My past is a mystery to me. Bits and pieces have come back to me ( although some memories I wish had never come back) . I was molested as a 6 year old by my brother. I suppressed it till I was about 50. I was raped at 15 because my mom and her boyfriend left me in charge of my 12 year old sister for 2 days. The neighbor boy told me if I didn't sleep with him he would rape my little sister. He continued to have sex with me till they got home because I was afraid my mom would find out and he threatened to tell her. Well she found out and slapped my face and called me a whore. From that point I have always felt like that whore. I have only wanted someone to live me for me. I would go through two more date rapes with the last one getting me pregnant. I kept the baby and have never regretted that decision. I never want to use this as an excuse but every time I lose weight I somehow always sabotage myself. I just wonder if this is because I had a decent figure all of the times I was raped. Do you think maybe the fear if looking good again could be the reason I sabotage myself?