I have a 13 year old step son who has had a very hard childhood. As an infant he has been exposed to biological mom's substance abuse (she would get high and he would be alone) as his father was working (though he has also struggled with substance abuse as well.) Father is diagnosed with FAS and ADHD and is taking medicine. Mothers mental state is unknown. Custody was granted to maternal grandparents when step son was about 3 years old. Mother was in and out of treatment centers and jails, as father had supervised visits as well as maintaining jobs. Maternal grandparents suffered from alcoholism. Mother had 2 other children with different man and was few months pregnant, father had 1 other child with different woman. When my step son was 8 turning 9 his mother got into a fatal car crash which tragically took her and unborn babies life. About a month later his maternal grandpa lost his life from alcohol. Maternal grandma put step son in and out of therapy and was irresponsible with medicine (as he was diagnosed with ADHD too) and did very little to aid in grieving process and used money as a source of happiness. Father and I have educated ourselves to assist him in dealing with deaths of loved ones. A year ago (2015) at the age of 12 he lost his maternal grandmother (who took care of him since he was young) to stage 4 cancer (we were aware of condition but were told not to say anything which in my opinion was the worst as we could have prepared him in dealing with this death.) We were hoping to gain custody of him so we can begin healing process and aid he needed but custody was given to his uncle (from mothers side) who is married and has 1 child. We have heard many stories of misbehavior and ways they were going to assist step son but nothing further was done.
My step son is a sweet boy now at age 13 but very troubled. He hasn't had medication since grandmother's passing. We recently bought him a cell phone to keep in contact with us as he lives 20 miles away and we only see him on weekends and summers (some holidays.) His uncle and aunt informed me that he has been disrespectful and not wanting to do chores since he had phone. Step son willingly gave father and I phone and because I am the one to activate his phone I have all credentials. We are not people to invade privacy but we're curious as to what may be on it.
He has recently started viewing porn and as that is not a big deal the type of content is what disturbs us. Father and I have 3 year old daughter together. The types of porn videos he was watching was of step brother being forcibly sexual with step sister and others were of forced sex. As we have never seen any strange behavior towards daughter we are on high alert. His uncle and aunt are of lost cause as there were no rules in forced at their home with his phone which is where all content was viewed. His history shows no viewings of content when he is with father and I, please help me to take right steps to aid my step son to the right path and have no harm come to daughter, I do not want family being broken up as we have worked very hard to get where we are.