I have severe depression which has been being treated for 35 + years now. There is a HUGE family background here, and also many personal issues. The psychiatrists just keep medicating me, but we never get to a place of "joy" or "peace". I will be 60 in a few months, & lately I find myself thinking how much easier it would be to just put the brakes on & end this loneliness, w/ no purpose, no passion, & with no drive. This is a total 180 from who I used to be. I always watch Dr. Phil & he talks about these places where they do a complete neurological, medical & psychological work up at the same time to help out someone desperate.
If I were to tell you my family history of suicide, electric shock therapy, depression, anger, bitterness, and so on, and that is the 1st 240 of us, I think Dr. Phil would want us on his show. I have a sister that every single day when I wake up I pray that she is still alive. I know in my heart that she will take her life/ but she does not want to hear about it.
So what does someone like me do about this? I am on Medicare disability , so funds are not great. I had a laminectomy 6 years ago that did not go as expected...this another condition where I could not go back to my job....
And we come to nights like last night, where having walked around the house for hours, your mind just takes over....I finally got into a tub of hot water....finally started to calm me down
I am better today...but what about next time?