Hello.

I can understand you are under a lot of stress at present. When one partner doesn't appear to be fulfilling his share of responsibility in the family, the other partner is bound to feel the extra pressure of managing the house and the kids. And so, the situation does appear difficult.

Your husband is probably under some stress himself. If he is watching movies and listening to songs late in the night, he is obviously worrying about something, and the movies and songs are acting as a temporary escape from the worries. He may in fact be depressed, as mentioned by you. Getting irritate often and on little matters is a common finding when a person is depressed.

Apart from your husband's possible depression, you also need to consider relationship issues. The communication between you and your husband may not be going that well these days. That's why, frequent arguments and fights can erupt when each other's comments are misinterpreted due to a break down in communication.

Hence, you should handle this problem from two aspects - 1) Your husband's possible depression and stress, and 2) The relationship.

For things to improve, you need to talk. Both of you need to acknowledge that there is a problem somewhere. And if you can do that, the next step would be to find out what you can do to correct the situation. But for that to happen, both of you should decide "together" that you want to improve the relationship and take care of any stressful matters. In other words, both of you should set a "common goal".

There is no sense in blaming each other for what is happening now. Blaming will not help you solve the problem anyways.

Also, you must also acknowledge that even you might be a little depressed or stressed out. And it is possible that the arguments and fights are the responsibility of both of you.

Talk to you husband and tell him that you want things to improve. Ask him if he can devote some time, let's say an hour or two, so that both can discuss the matter and decide what to do about it. I am sure he will agree. Please let me know what you think. There is no quick solution, but there is definitely a way out. You just need to decide together as a team.

Best Regards

Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD