I have been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and OCD. as well as some autism-spectrum signs. I have been taking meds for over a year now for these problems. Lately Ive been having Bipolar episodes that have been a bit more severe than they usually are. These relate to the things that happened that caused me to be hospitalized multiple times last year. These episodes consist of me becoming very depressed and as it progresses, I become very angry and hostile; as if expecting everyone around me to know exactly how Im feeling. Even when I haven t told them anything. The severity has gotten worse. I often have visions of me grabbing something and hitting someone/something or myself but only for a quick moment. I get impulses that no one cares about me and I doubt my loved ones love for me. The part that I cant really understand about these episodes is that, by the next morning or day; I feel absolutely fine. Like nothing that happened the night before really effected me. Nothing that I felt during the episode would be felt at that time. Now that I have been thinking about this, I often would have done the same thing the times I was hospitalized. I would do something horrible that made me get sent there, then the next morning in the hospital I would feel fine. Like I was ready to come home. The doctors there and my parents thought I was just wanting to get out of there. Of course I didn t want to stay there, but I was honestly feeling as though I didn t have the episode the night before. I m really afraid that one day these impulses would be acted upon and it would ruin what good stride I ve made. I ve been self harm free for 10 months now. The reason I haven t really spoken to anyone about it is that I m so afraid they will think I still feel the way I did during those episodes. I don t and I don t want to be treated as though I am. I honestly, truly do not feel that way right now and this happens at least every few days if not more. I would really like some professional answers so I don t have to worry about approaching my parents and doctors about this face to face and it blowing up in my face.