I ruined my life, quite badly. And ever since I've been doing littler things that are just making me feel worse. I have a diary and every page I write in its when I'm suicidal or depressed. Because it got that bad when I was about 9 that I did want to kill myself. and I still do, my best friend, feels the same as me, he gets depressed and suicidal. but my other friend doesn't, she makes out she does. and I don't know what to do, I won't dare tell anyone in my family, I won't dare go to the doctors. I just write it all down in my diary and by the time I'm finished I'm okay. But I'm scared, of my life, and incase anything happens to me. I need help