I m not sure how best to start this question, so allow me to explain my situation. Hopefully it will be sufficient in addressing my current situation, my thought process, and maybe give you the ability to tell me what I can do. And if I am incapable suc being helped by a psychologist, a positive message will suffice, because those at least make me feel better. I m going to start back a bit further than I probably should, but for the sake of establishing my mentality/childhood/priorities. You see, growing up I had a brother, two loving parents, and a safe environment. Was always the smartest kid in school (this is still the case, working on my PhD in string theory), but wasn t allowed to hang out with many kids because of my parents. They wanted safety, family time, and we never seemed to have a clean enough house. That wasn t to say I didn t have friends, but I saw them at school, in their place. Professional friends at the job, or in this case, school. By 6th grade I was regularly watching romantic soap operas, reading plenty of poetry, and noticing the opposite sex (I am a male). For the longest time, I thought I was a gothic, or a least a gothic wannabe from 6th grade through 9th because I took music far too seriously and had grown out long hair, but looking back, my depression then stemmed from what it does now; a lack of love. It s probably why I was a punished author for romantic/depressive poetry by 13 years old. Also, at some point between 8th and 9th grades, my best friend at the time had engaged in sex, and she was happy about the act, but I wouldn t shake that it seemed wrong. I hadn t given sex much thought before this, but this is where I decided I would wait till marriage to have it, and that it was right to do so. You see, my notion of love was always purely romantic, not physical. Let s skip ahead to the start of my situation now. As a senior in high school I met a wonderful girl, who was everything I wanted in a partner, and we started a long term relationship after I made sure she was waiting for marriage and didn t cuss and all that good stuff. We spent the next 6 years together. We were very clingy, I was super romantic, and she loved all I did for her, how I taught her, took care of her, and made her feel loved every day. In those 6 years, everything was perfect. We didn t fight, she always made me feel good and stay happy, and I did everything I could every day to keep her happy, and she was... But at some point after getting engaged, she started to lie to me, to sneak out, and drink, and try tobacco, and eventually she cheated. She wanted to come back so badly, but I couldn t allow it. I had lost everything that had ever made my life worth while. Since that end, I ve gone on to get my master s and what not, but nothing means anything to me anymore. I used to love to shop, to dine, to go to shows, to watch operas, to visit museums and just have a great life. Sadly, building a life and experiencing the world only means something with someone. Now nothing means anything. I don t care about money, or about me. I cared about that because I wanted to take care of her. Needless to say, for the last 2 years I ve been depressed 24/7, suicidal on occasion (setting dates for the future), and just trying to find someone new. I m on a dozen or two dating websites, I try to meet people in person, but I m getting old. At 25, there are things I can t find in a partner that I need. And I feel like I m going to die alone. To elaborate, I am looking for virgins (no penetration, I.e. tampons, ob/gyn visits), no tattoos, no piercings, no immodest attire, no history of drug use/drinking, no profanity/r rated films. Who are romantic, clingy, honest, caring, co-dependent, intelligent, and ridiculously attractive. I should point out that I ve only ever been attracted to a certain body type, stick figure (sz 00-2, minimal curves) with beautiful faces. In other words, perfect 10 models, and I m just a genius. My mind and my desires are what define me. I mean, I m healthy, a solid 8/10 on anyone s scale, but not in the class of the women I would date. Needing all of that, as well as them to get along with me like a best friend, the odds are that I ll die alone. And the only thing that means anything to me in life is finding a wife. That s why I m suicidal. On top of all of this, I happened to find a great best friend, who is everything I could ever want her to be if she were a wife. The only problem that while I m perfect for her and up to her standards (I exceed everyone s), she says she doesn t feel it. So now I m lonelier than ever, spending all my time looking for dates, and looking for love, while spending all the time I can with her because she gives me hope. And that hope is the only thing I ve had in years that has made me happy... I can t sleep, I overeat, sometimes I stress out to the point where I m in the hospital for physical pain... What is wrong with me?