This Is My First Time Trying This But I Want

This is my first time trying this but I want to know something. When I was a child, my real dad wasn't the greatest guy in the world.
He had tried to manipulate me and my sis into thinking our mom was the bad parent (but she was not). I had watched him hit her and that's when my mom officially broke up with him.
But at the same time I felt like he had abandoned me and my sis becuase he didn't even try to see me or her.But now as an adult (age 22) I feel like whatever he had mentally I now have it as well.
My emotions are out of control, I have a hard time keeping relationships, I abandon people because I fear rejection? I can't keep a stable job. And I'm not sure where I should go with this...