What Causes Abusive Nature In A Person?

Hello Not sure how to ask without lots background into. Have two issues. One-was sexually abused in workplace and could not. Get back to work, impacted all areas of my life, dreams, things I couldn t live without (childbearing the years and a family). Losses have been huge and left me vulnerable to abusive relationship. My time in the mental health field was damaging. Been told I should address things legally, but have no support, in sml town and afraid of male anger. Would like to find an inpatient trauma program where I could work with therapists and lawyers to create an impact statement. 2nd- have been dating a man I love lots and am very bonded to. I am certain he has ndp, possibly spd, or some other chemical imbalance. He is cold calculating deceptive, mercurial etc while doing smear campaigns on me. I don t smoke, drug, drink, swear, raise voice, withhold, threaten etc, but am to obey and accept all treatment/double standards and not talk about things. I have more I common with him thananyoneever interest wise, sexually, adventure/outdoors/travel wise etc but not character or value wise. He has been my friend and family for 7 yrs, psych/emot/damaged/deferring to him for 7 yrs and sadly heisthebiggest. Supporti have ( I am the scapegoating a narcissistic alcoholic family wherein my mother died unexpectedly and I found her age 14). I have had counselling lots and without proper help for him to address distortions, delusions, entitlement, communication issues etc, I cannot create safety for myself or do anything to improve the situation. He would go with me likely as is now in counselling possibly giving a distorted account, cause he tells me his counsellors say nothing wrong with him and I am a manipulative blackmailer ( always strong blame language to most others especially me). He is abusive on all accounts, but I have no desire to leave him, no more than I would someone I love with a stroke or brain tumour. He projects all onto me even though I treat him so well and stand on my head to compromise, to communicate, to smooth, to create improvement. Please help me find help, specialized help for narcissism, sociopathy, assessment. ...an author, documentary, research project anything, as can t quite afford therapy, but am desperate and even though we don t live together, am considering selling my dis repaired house if I can get anything to pay for help for this terrible disorderthatmakes me long for a garden variety abusive relationship which would be a far more functional reprieve. Please tell me of anything, anywhere, province, state, international, anything, please. It s been damaging. Most practisitiomers have limited awareness or. Identification of this ( even dr r hare , whose research specialty is in the area admits to being fooled). Our local main metal healthfacilitytoldme they have nothing to offer because I need to go to an agency for abuse counselling. I do think I am trauma bonded and further fumbling with non specialized practitioners only further the damage. Please help. I believe I never would ve tolerated this if not feeling helpless with healing from the workplace abuse. So far this has taken 13.5 yrs of my life. Before I was athletic, confident and would backpack Central America. Now old, childless, abused, and 80 lbs overweight. My partner told me he made his ex look crazy and would do the same with me. Told me early on that he was frustrated with me, as he had been trying to break me down and hadn t been able to, admired my fortitude with others just not with him. He has been successful now. I need help. I still tell him what I appreciate about him and beg him not to leave ( he plays this card always even when he waspersuing me). I love and adore him and feel he has controlled my by intermittent reinforcement and withholding/withdrawal, making me feel so greatful and cherishing it when he does treat me well or like I matter. Please send any contacts for specialists in the area ( any research or pro bono so appreciated) Thank you very much