Hi, my life is totally out of control. In the past 23 years, I ve had 21 operations. On and off pain meds but mostly on, having a severe problem because they have completely ruined my life burned every bridge, everyone has giving up on me, never mind being physically abused and sexually abused growing up. Right now I m on morphine, Percocet, valium, Depakote, Zoloft, Trazadone, and clonidine. I honestly want to give up, there is so much more to this story but the haunting thoughts of all the abuse won t go away, nightmares, lost a lot of weight, can t eat, don t shave or shower, it s endless I m smart enough to get everything in order before I go . I know it will devastate a lot of people but they don t live in my world. No matter what you say, it won t help. I have 2 weeks before I attempt this, it s a serious cry for help and in reality, all I want is to be committed long term in a facility, no matter how long and if I survive this attempt, and if I am committed then ok, but my only option will be to do this in an emergency room where if I survive, this cry for help and long term commitment will be the answer.