For the past several months I ve noticed some very strange things going on with me, mainly mentally. I don t know if I ve always had these symptoms and just never noticed but now they are getting to the point where they are too extreme for me not to notice. First off, I ve been experience sudden shifts in mood. But these episodes only last at the most 2-3 hours. Sometimes they are euphoric and I feel amazing. Sometimes they are sensations of loneliness and boredom. The most usual mood shift I experience is this feeling of sadness and desperation. Usually this feeling is triggered by my reaction to another persons gesture or comment towards me and I how I perceive it. Sometimes, depending on my reaction, these feelings gets so extreme to the point where I can literally feel myself spacing out and shutting down. I feel zombie-like and extremely empty. I absolutely hate when I go through these episodes because I recognize my thoughts and behavior is extreme but I can t seem to regulate these emotions. There have been a few times where I have had thoughts of suicide or thoughts of harming myself just to feel something. The second biggest thing I ve notice is my fluctuating perceptions of myself and the world around me. Sometime I hate myself.. Sometimes I think I m awesome and can do anything. But it s weird because I tend to look at other people like that (especially the people I have close relationships with). One minute I want them around and the next minute I can t even stand looking at them. Sometimes I can t stand them because of something they said, even if what they said wasn t that big of a deal (something I recognize later on). But I become angry very easily when someone says or does the wrong thing, and in turn I act inappropriatly towards them. I have been told that is normal for a person my age to not know what they want out of life. But no one understands that it s not that simple for me. I don t get why I am so confused about the simplist of things. Half the time I don t even know what I like and what I don t like. I have all of these dreams and aspirations but I can t persue them because I don t know which path to follow. This is very hard for me because for the past few years I ve had obsessions with perfecting everything I do and being the best. Which brings me to this. Why do I keep having these obsessions? Obsessions with the way that I look, the order of simple things like objects or the way my clothes look in my closet, and larger things like being perfect in school or at my jobs. The thing is, I don t seem to see an issue with this. I ve been told by others that my behavior is excessive, but I actually believe that my acting like this is beneficial and everyone should act like this. The only times I feel like this behavior gets in the way is when it makes me late, or when it gets so overwhelming that I can t even finish what I m doing because it won t come out right. At my last job, I wouldn t let anyone help me do anything because I knew they couldn t complete the task the way I wanted it done. I want to back to the spacing out that I brought up earlier. This doesn t scare me, it just confused me. My eyes get blurry and everything looks dream-like. I see the world as an illusion, and for a few moments I think that there is truly no point to anything that we do because in the end we just die. I guess I could keep going on but I don t want to get any more in depth. I m just going to list a few physical symtoms I ve had as well: Blurry Vision Nightmares Night sweats Cold hands/ weakened left hand Stabbing pains Head vibrations Binge eating episodes followed by extreme guilt Thank you for reading this.