Hello, You have not mentioned anything about your childhood history(illness or trauma). It looks like you have suffered much in your early life, you should have been adequately treated for it but perhaps it was left neglected. Fear, guilt, anger, anxiety, depression are just normal reactions to any physical or emotional/ mental trauma. The reaction is good as long as it is not beyond control. It becomes anxiety or panic attacks when suppressed feelings get aggressive all of a sudden. When people do not get adequate care, love, medical help or help from a therapist, they may take recreational drugs (cannabis, amphetamine) & get temporary relieve that slowly leads to addiction. Addiction may cause bipolar or psychotic disorders that complicate to paranoia due to hallucinations. If you are still suffering from paranoia get treated at the earliest. You are suggested to see a Psychiatrist, Counselor & a therapist who can help you. You may need medicine & therapy. Avoid remembering things that cause you to discomfort just divert your attention from it. Do not concentrate on your illness but on nutritious diet, healthy lifestyle & happiness. Take vacations & avoid stress. There are times you need to pamper yourself, do it. At the end of the day, the most wanted thing is peace. Take adequate sleep, plenty of water & avoid spending too much time on the internet. Hope I have answered your query. Let me know if I can assist you further. Take care Regards, Dr Nupur K, General & Family Physician