I Have Been Having Severe Anxiety Since I Have Lost

i have been having severe anxiety since i have lost both parents in the past 2 years, my father 2 years ago and my mother this past spring. I was caretaker to both of them and very close to them as well, and am finding it hard to get back into life, although i know i need to go through the grieving cycle. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in October, the soonest they can get me in with my insurance, and i attend church and go to their grief support group in the meantime. I hope maybe this will help me, maybe by the time my appointment finally rolls around, i will feel i don't need it. I do see a doctor for something totally unrelated, i have swollen optic nerve that if i don't take the medications (they ran many tests and ruled out everything, so it is a medication (diamox and promethazine) that controls it, no tumor and the medication does keep it under control, and I do see my neuro opthamologist every month so he can dilate my eyes and make sure the medication is still working, and if i still require the medication. He is aware of my situation as I was seeing him while my mother was still alive, and i was dealing with grief over losing my dad, and being a full time caretaker for my mom (dad passed of cancer, mom passed of damage to her colon from radiation given for uterine cancer 10 years ago, but if you ask me, they were married 47 years when my dad passed... she died of a broken heart, she died just 2 years and 2 months after my dad passed and a year of that she was severely sick battling the problems that eventually took her). I am sorry to babble.... but my doctor was aware of my anxiety issues as I was overwhelmed in taking care of my mother, my brother and sister being of no help, physically as they lived too far away, emotionally or financially. When she passed they came and took anything of value and left, and left me to deal with everything else, so while i felt overwhelmed before, i am so much moreso now in having to find a job (currently looking) ... i was a masters student and had to drop with 10 hours to go to complete my program, and now i have to pay the school for the semester i dropped (was using student loans) before i can go back. My goal is to go back, but i need to get a job so i can pay them so i am in a position i can go back. I had just moved myself and my son into her house to take care of her without having to drive back and forth several times a day when she was home, and be closer when she was hospitalized or in a nursing home (to gain strength). She went from working full time, singing and dancing with her barbershop chorus for hours on the risers, and taking her 2 boxers to the dogpark, and being the best grandmother to my son... she lost 100 lbs in 6 months and got to where she couldn't even sit up without assistance, she got so sick very fast. They can say what they want, she passed away of a broken heart. I keep digressing, i apologize. My doctor was aware of my mothers condition and all i was responsible for with my son, school, taking care of all of my mothers needs and her dogs (we finally had to rehome them, heartbreaking as one was a gift to her from my dad, but it got to be too much, i just could not do it). I was having trouble focusing and basically functioning because i was so overwhelmed. When she passed it only got worse. He prescribed me xanax .. .to take .5 to 2 mg a day depending on my needs. I recently got a prescription for valium, 10mg. I am wanting to make sure ... before i take it.... how it will effect me versus the xanax. The xanax helped me sleep at night (couldn't without it) and at night i would usually take 1.5 to 2 mg of it. during the day I would try to take .5 or 1mg, which always didn't help as much, but i wanted to stay alert as i am a single mom and try to stay very involved in my sons life, who is having his own issues over all the changes (we moved in with my mom, changed schools - kindergarten last year, I kept him there to finish out the school year and moved back into the house we just moved out of over the summer so he could start the school year at the school he did pre k and most of kindergarten at, and he is having major behavior issues. I am taking him to therapy, his first appointment is today in fact. I try to shield him, but i do feel that he sees me and my anxiety and that is making his situation worse, but we have to address his behavior issues just as i am trying to address my anxiety issues. The valium will last longer, so the hope is I won't have to take as much of it to get the relief (butterflies, understatement! inability to sleep, eat, feel like i can't take a deep enough breath, i think i have panic attacks, which i hide as best i can from my son.). I am looking for work as now .. my parents supplemented my income that the stipend checks did not from attending school since i was working over full time in helping them. I have no income so i need to find employment fast, and that is not helping my anxiety issues. If i am used to taking anywhere from .5 mg to 2mg xanax depending on time of day and severity of my anxiety, and have 10 mg valium pills, how do they compare as far as what to expect. Do I take less because it is stronger? I am just wanting something to bring me down so i can focus, so i can function ... finish unpacking (having a hard time knowing it's my parents things i am unpacking), and find a job. I don't want to take too much and go to a job interview, i just want to take enough to take the edge off, and in the evenings, allow me to sleep (getting sleep will be a big help to the overall situation i know). If i take a 10 mg valium, can you tell me how many mg of xanax i would take to get the same result, so i can not take too much, or waste them because i didn't take enough and need to wait before i can take more? The doctor that prescribed them to me is not a specialist in this area, he just told me that they are longer lasting and should help me (klonopin did not help me at all, we tried that). but i just do not want to take too much and during the day end up falling asleep and not be alert for my son, be able to attend job interviews and present myself in a way that i look calm, cool and collected, not drugged. My hopes are that this all helps me get back on track, and once i get a job that can help me put my mind to other things rather than crying all day since my son is at school and not here to see it (I really do my best to shield it from him, i know he is hurting enough as he was super close to them both as well, and if he sees me hurting, which he does, but i tell him it is ok to be sad and try to read bible stories to uplift us about how they are in heaven together and happy, always with us in our hearts). As best as i try to shield it from him, i can't shield everything. I do a pretty good job at holding it in until he is at school and i am alone, or when he is sleeping, and the shower is a great place to have a good cry. I talk to them all the time (my parents) and pray. I now it just takes time, but until i can get to that place, I do need help in controlling my anxiety so i can eat, sleep, and function as a mom should be able to. so after all the typing, my main question is a 10mg pill of valium would compare to how many milligrams of xanax? I don't want to overmedicate myself, but want to take enough so it is helpful. Thank you for any answers you can assist me with. (I also have contacted the nursing home she was in as they offer grief counseling as well, but right now i am overwhelmed in trying to finish unpacking (my air conditioner doesn't work so well, in texas, so most of the unpacking waited until about now when it is starting to cool off). Thank you for your information.