Question: Dear Doctor,
This querry is for my wife.

I would like to mention that I have been recently married about 7 months ago. I am 34 yrs old and my wife is 35yrs old. Its our second marriage and we both were divorcees. I was divorced on grounds of incompatability from my ex-wife. I was married in XXXXXXX 2008 and got divorced in Dec 2010. Our divorce was a mutually agreed divorce.
While as I understand from my wife, as she advised me, her ex-husband had cheated on her. She was married in 2003 and got divorced in 2008 on grounds of infidelity by her partner.
Neither of us have any issue from previous marriage.

As far as our marriage is concerned, we met through parents. She is from XXXXXXX and I am from XXXXXXX
Ours is an arranged marriage and we got married in January 2014. It was a marriage done with parents’ consent.
First 2 months were fine and very blissful. However, since the last 5 months, my wife thinks that I have been cheating on her.
She has been of this view by taking into account multiple real and/or imaginary circumstances. It started when she thought that I used to talk to other women in the night from my XXXXXXX which used is kept on my side table while on charging. In the middle of the night she wakes me up and asks me as to whom was I messaging or talking to. I was in my deep sleep and was unable to understand why she would get these thoughts. At times, the XXXXXXX used to beep because of some message / email, her doubts were reinforced.
In other instances, she used to wake me up in the middle of the night and tell me that I was talking to myself and making obscene sounds. Before marriage, I have mostly slept with my younger brother with whom I used to share the room. He never complained about anything like this. As a matter of fact, I have been a focused individual in my studies and also in my work. Always been an above average and diligent student. Relationships have been the last of my priorities.
Infact in many instances, things have been imaginary and I fail to understand how and from where did she get the idea that I am talking to someone or messaging anyone. She says that my eyes were open and I was doing something on my XXXXXXX That’s has never been the case.
A few months back she related me with one of my old time friend. She has been part of my friend circle and is unmarried. I know her since last 12 yrs and have not at all been physically or emotionally inclined. She is just a pure friend and so is she with all others. With absolutely no evidence, my wife started alleging that I have an affair with her.
As a result, she checked my phones, messages, whatsapp, emails on a daily basis. She keeps a tab when I am on facebook or whatsapp and constantly ask me to whom am I chatting with. When I am in office, she always calls me on my office landline inorder to be assured that I am in office. If I am not at seat, she calls me on my XXXXXXX and tells me to call from office landline to prove that I am in office. If I am in a meeting, she has instructed me that I should still pick up her call irrespective of the situation. I am not eligible to disconnect or not pick her call.
Once, I had left my phone on my table and had gone for a meeting with my boss. In barely 25min, my wife had called up 11 times. And when I returned to my workstation, I called back. She was furious. She asked me to call from landline, w hich I did. However, she still didn’t believe as she thought I was call-forwarding. So in the next 10min, she landed up in office to check my genuity.
Another incident was when she found a very old female deodorant of my mother that was lying in the room which I often used as air-freshener. That was lying in the room for a few months in the room or bathroom. However, she never noticed it till that day. She questioned me and I responded normally about the truth. However, she alleged that it was that belonged to my friends wife, both of whom stay in the same complex as ours. She alleged that I and my friends wife (whom I treat like my sister) have an affair and she comes behind her back. Fortunately, I could find another similar deodorant in my mother’s bathroom so I could prove that it was my mother’s and not my friend’s wife.
When I am out with friends, she keeps imagining that I am making eye-gestures with my friends wife and keeps alleging that I am having an affair with her. It has now become so bad that she has starting alleging a lot of dirty and illegitimate things between me and her.
She thinks that I am a liar and a fake person. Does not trust me at all. Has been physically and verbally very abusive with me for no reason. Does not agree to any thing I say.
This is causing a lot of stress in me. She also at the same time is very stressed and also depressed. Both sides of the family are also very depressed.


However, her reactions now are beyond sanity. It takes a lot of time for her to cool down and is very stubborn at times. She shouts, verbally and sometimes even physically abuses me in front of my parents. She has recently done that day before yesterday on 19th August 2014.

There is absolutely no truth about me having an affair. These are only imaginary thoughts that come in my wife's mind from nowhere. At the same time, I love her very much and cannot see her like this.
I request you to kindly advise a solution.

Regards,
XXXX

Dear Doctor,
I have already involved her parents and they are very supportive and have categorically mentioned that what she is doing is incorrect. Infact, they have advised that she has behaved in exactly the same way in her previous marriage.
However, she is not discussing the problem with them also. She feels that they are also with me.
She is unable to trust her parents, my parents or myself.

Would like to ask if this is curable or not. And if so how can we cure it and how much time will it take to fully come over it.
Also if possible, pls advise medication.

Regards.

Thankyou Doctor.

My wife fails to acknowledge that this behavior is not normal. In the absence of her acknowledging how do I convince her to visit a psychiatrist?

I have requested her that we should visit a marriage counseller, however she is not agreeing. In case she agrees, can I visit you so that you can assess the problem on a holistic basis? If yes, please advise where can I meet you. I understand that you are in XXXXXXX I am also based in XXXXXXX

Please advise and help.

Regards,
XXXX