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Suggest Treatment For Chronic Pain Due To Difficulties In Marital Life
Question: I've had, to say the least, after a MVA, the medical field fail, in most cases. However, my question is this. I'm married to a man who cannot show emotions; he'll do everything he can for me, but he is controlled (retired General Officer/Engineer) that,nothing matters but right now - I am where I am today because of past failures. Without being too wordy, he answers a question with a question; always a man of integrity, but, due to his career, we haven't been together a whole lot in 44 years and I'm seeing a side that is cold, calculating, and, unable to get closure. If I don't get closure on important matters, it's hard to move on. And, why, if he does something wrong (we all do) does he put it on me? I cannot get mentally healthy, dealing with chronic pain, when he walks away, acts as if everything is just fine and will not accept responsibility for ignoring, for example, my pleas for help for 8 months.
Brief Answer:
Difficult but worth it. Let him know how you feel
Detailed Answer:
Hi and thank you so much for this query.
I am so sorry to hear about these difficulties in your marital life that you have reported over the years. This must have been an extremely difficult experience for you.
How do we get him to change? I must admit that is a daunting task. There are things we can do and things we cannot do. What we can do is to dialogue with him and let him know how much his behavior has affected you hoping that this would draw his attention to your difficulties and problems for his consideration and moderation. Whether he would change is what I cannot guarantee you at this time. However, passing on the message in a very polite, non offensive, lovely and caring manner at the appropriate time is very important. I know he is always blunt but in his bluntness you are able to tell when he is more positive and open than not. Try to use one of these moments in a quiet and comfortable setting to express yourself. Tell him how heavy this has been to you and kindly request that he reconsiders how he goes about this.
What could be the consequences? I really believe there is nothing worse than what you have experienced already that can happen during this encounter and after. If he changes, that's good news and if he doesn't, we would try to get someone he believes and listens to help salvage the situation. Is he a Christian/Muslim? Is he having someone that he believes and listens to? Do you think there is any one who can talk to him and bring him to order if there are difficulties? This may be a helpful person in this case.
I hope this helps. I wish you well. Thank you so much for using our services and do feel free to ask for more information and clarifications if need be.
Difficult but worth it. Let him know how you feel
Detailed Answer:
Hi and thank you so much for this query.
I am so sorry to hear about these difficulties in your marital life that you have reported over the years. This must have been an extremely difficult experience for you.
How do we get him to change? I must admit that is a daunting task. There are things we can do and things we cannot do. What we can do is to dialogue with him and let him know how much his behavior has affected you hoping that this would draw his attention to your difficulties and problems for his consideration and moderation. Whether he would change is what I cannot guarantee you at this time. However, passing on the message in a very polite, non offensive, lovely and caring manner at the appropriate time is very important. I know he is always blunt but in his bluntness you are able to tell when he is more positive and open than not. Try to use one of these moments in a quiet and comfortable setting to express yourself. Tell him how heavy this has been to you and kindly request that he reconsiders how he goes about this.
What could be the consequences? I really believe there is nothing worse than what you have experienced already that can happen during this encounter and after. If he changes, that's good news and if he doesn't, we would try to get someone he believes and listens to help salvage the situation. Is he a Christian/Muslim? Is he having someone that he believes and listens to? Do you think there is any one who can talk to him and bring him to order if there are difficulties? This may be a helpful person in this case.
I hope this helps. I wish you well. Thank you so much for using our services and do feel free to ask for more information and clarifications if need be.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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