Suggest Treatment For Depression With Suicidal Thoughts

Question: 37 year old male , 5 foot 8 , 170 lbs Chrons ,Acute chronic pancreatits, Gerd , Severe Adhd and depression. I went through 14 months of Mental stress that cannot be understated In a fight for my life. Being persecuted for a crime I did not commit that carried a 25 year sentence . I was aquited three months ago. During this time period I developed a severe addiction to adderall it was my crutch. Consuming up 200 mg a day.
I have very little doubt I am having insulin problems and have developed a heart murmer. I My symptoms are headache ,irritability ,shakes,fatigue ,anxiety . I eat an Apple , some chocolate etc they clear up Pretty quick.
this makes,me think sugar ?
as far as the adderall. I think my stomach acid neutralizes it or something. Is this possible ? I start with 40 mg ir And usually have to take another to see Any benefit and within 3 hours Its already wearing off . I used to be on 60 mg xr. Last. all day. But with no insurance ...I can't afford that. Without it I am a mess I am unable toatay awake and cry uncontrollably when it wears off even. becoming suicidal. I need help to be he8althy again . My current Dr has dropped me I just learned for bills. I get the stuff other places after my script runs out. I am aware how unethical that is but The alternative is worse .I need to know where I can go . If I walk into an ER with this and just tell the doctor will I get in a worse situation or will they help me ?