Question: Dr Seikhoo Bishnoi. I am trying but tonight just had a breakdown. I miss XXXXXXX so much.I never met such a good man and it is hard to face the fact that I might never have that in my life again.I have been married twice and never met anyone I connected with like I did XXXXXXX I believed that God sent him into my life...I am 66 and never met anyone who was so accepting and understanding and loved who I was just the way I am...then he just left...I really don't have any reason to live anymore not that makes me feel like living...with the pain both emotional and physical and the bad situation here now...I don't have anything to look forward to anymore. Not even going to Israel makes it feel better or like I have anything to live for..not anymore...do you think that I made XXXXXXX even more paranoid when I filed the appeal against the injunction? A month after he filed the injunction he seemed to want to talk to me but once I filed the appeal telling the judge that he was psychotic he hired the lawyer against me..so I guess he became very paranoid and no longer cared about me...I don't have a counselor anymore and just am having a hard time with all the bad stuff that has happened...I am so tired of it all all of it..I just want my life to be over...
I am going to commit suicide. I am just waiting for the right time. First i am going to stop all of my heart and blood pressure medicines. Then when no one is aware of it and my son is no longer with me as I am now left alone a lot in my room with the door shut, I will take all of the rest of them, gabapentin, melatonin, remeron and zanax..I hate my life and just want it to be over but I won't tell anyone this time..it will be easy...

All right? The last two years have been terrible. Where I am living now is a bad situation.The people who own this house want me out so are raising the price here.
If they continue to do that I will not be able to live here or find a different place to live..I am not comfortable living here so I am just taking more gaba pentin..that is all I have except the heart medicines..I am in a lot of physical pain...it does seem to make me groggy though..I took 12 last night...it did help me sleep good.I am so sad about XXXXXXX ...even though its been almost two years since I last was with him..life isn't worth living anymore. I try to do things but my heart isn't in it anymore even with XXXXXXX and XXXXXXX in my life. XXXXXXX is better since we had that fight but life still isn't worth anything to me..I can't live life through my children. They have their own lives..

I am not feeling suicidal today but am still wondering if there is a chance that I might ever see XXXXXXX again..I feel sad about us as we were so close and able to connect on a deep level..what is the liklihood of him ever getting better? I feel so sad and cannot just stop feeling love for him..
When I met him i wasn't interested in a relationship at all but felt that God wanted me to have a relationship. When I met him i prayed, okay only you God would know that I could love a funny little jewish man who loves Jesus..I never met any man that I cared to be with..not even my ex husband..it was mostly a marriage of convenience..I am not the kind of woman who loves that much if I really don't care for someone...the thought that I might never see him again is beyond my ability to cope...i am not sad like I used to be not feeling trauma just wondering if he will ever want me and wonder where I am again..right now legally he and I cannot be together but in March he seemed to want to see me and talk to me in court.But when I flied the appeal and he read what I wrote about him needing to be evaluated and hospitalized, he probably got really scared and felt paranoid that he would have to be hospitalized..I really think that is what happened to make him retain the lawyer and not show up in court...he was afraid that he might end up in the hospital..so I am waiting to see if the court will have him involuntarily evaluated..but what if he isn
t evaluated?

Okay but that is of very little interest to me..you used to say that he might come out of his illness if I just emailed him periodically. Is that still possible once the injunction is dropped or not? Do you think that is still possible or only if he gets meds now? In February the injunction will be dropped or maybe the court will drop it also..even if he doesn't have meds is that possible anymore or do you think it isn't anymore..? I have not heard anything from the court but he wasn't sure if he would be able to have him evaluated or not.
I am trying to do things to help my health but am limited as the fluid still is building up again as evidenced by my really distended abdomen..there is little else "i can do about that though as "i don't see the doctor until Friday.."I refuse to go into the hospital anymore...it is way too traumatic for me not to mention expensive..I really only care about whether or not XXXXXXX could still come back to me...I will do what the doctor says except go back to the hospital but am only really interested in whether or not XXXXXXX comes back to me..nothing else really matters not even Israel. In fact that is why I didn't go to Israel. I couldn't stand that thought of being way over there and not have XXXXXXX iun my life. He disconnected his home phone and changed his cell phone number so I didn't really want to go anymore. I am a bit discouraged about not going there but would rather not if I can't communicate with him at all.
Once the injunction is dropped do you think he will just file another injunction against me if I try to email him or not? My son emailed him and he didn't file an injunction on him...it is really hard to not have even my son to talk to about it anymore. everyone says i need to move on but there is nothing or no one to move on to. I will always feel sad and want to see him and talk about him,...

Actually he did object to my appeal. He hired a lawyer against me. But the lawyer was really nice and didn't do much except write his reply brief. XXXXXXX never showed up at the hearing but he did object probably because he knew
i was trying to get him evaluated..
My son emailed him about a month ago and though he blocked him he didn't file an injunction against him but he could still file an injunction against me again as he hired a lawyer when I appealed his injunction.
Yet when I filed an order of protection he tried to talk to me but that was before I appealed the injunction..so "I am afraid he might do it again..its a hard place to be in right now as I want to talk to him so badly..maybe I will just send him bible verses or something if I decide to email him..maybe XXXXXXX can go to his store again..I just don't know since he hired a lawyer against me...
My son thought he just doesnt want any more court stuff. He must have been really afraid of being evaluated because one of his delusions is that he will lose all of his money and he hates to pay for anything. He said that he was talking to his dead wife and "she" said it would be a good thing if he took me out to dinner which he did but it was a rather cheap date. i know now that when he said he talks to her, he was really hearing voices...he said the same thing about his mom and dad and that he also saw them..so he is having visual hallucinations as well as hearing voices...he sees Jesus but that could actually be a real thing and that happens as other Jews and people have seen Him too... he could also be having visual hallucinations as well though....

Maybe he never really loved me at all. In the beginning he was telling me about this woman whom he had met and seemed to love but that ultimately he was in great distress about her. He finally decided that she was a satanist and that might have been true. My mother was. He told me that the satanists were blowing up his private parts so that they were the size of a donkey and he was really afraid and that he didn't like it at all. He said that he was afraid to go home and that the whole house seemed to be full of evil and was shaking from the evil that was inside it...so do you think maybe he never even cared about me at all? Last May in 2014, he told me that left me because he was afraid the satanists she was with, might hurt us. And he told me how deeply in love with me he was but he was crying because he said that the satanists she was involved with, killed her and he didn't want her to go to hell and that he saw Jesus rescue here just in time. So, I just don't know now if he ever really even cared about me at all even though he kept telling me he was in love with me. Maybe he thinks I am a satanist too. Maybe she wasn't a satanist.He did seem to find comfort when he came over to my house though. And loved the fact that I loved him..maybe he never really loved me at all, maybe he just was afraid and came over because he was dumping his fears on me..but he wanted to spend and did spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with me..shortly after that though he began to pull away from me and then in January he left me after he saw me in the hospital with a possible heart attack. He blamed himself for that as though it was his fault and that I would die if he stayed with me and then it was all over except for when he saw me in May...
Someone said that maybe it was a delusion that he was in love with me and that that was and is the reality, that is, that he never really loved me but that he probably was just in a delusion when he said he was in love with me. But he seemed to be so happy and called me "beautiful" and "pretty". I just don't know anymore...