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Suggest Ways To Care For Paranoid Schizophrenia Patient
Question: My paranoid schizophrenic boyfriend told me he was deeple in love with me then two days later told me to stay away. He filed an injunction against us which was withdrawn. Now months later he blocked and unblocked our email but today returned my Chanukah gift. Can u help me?
Brief Answer:
Just be persistent and selfless in your care for him.
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Welcome to HCM.
I have read your query and understand your concerns.
It hurts when the person you love returns your gifts.
But dear, as you have mentioned that your boyfriend is suffering from paranoid schizophrenia (assuming it to be a confirmed diagnosis), I think he might be acting under some of his delusions or paranoia.
You should not feel disappointed because he might not be doing this intentionally.
As paranoid schizophrenia is a severe psychiatric illness needing long term anti-psychotics and does NOT improves on its own, I hope he is being treated adequately with appropriate drugs (antipsychotic drugs like olanzapine, risperidone etc).
Now if you can give some details, I would be able to help you better:
1. Has he been taking his drugs regularly?
2. Has the schizophrenia symptoms resolved? Like his delusions, hallucinations etc?
3. Some persons with schizophrenia progress to post-schizophrenic depression. Has he any symptoms of depression like sad mood, anhedonia, hopelessness and helplessness?
4. Does he have any specific delusions or paranoia against you or any of your family members?
You have to care for him unconditionally even if he refuses for it. I know its easier said than done but I hope and wish that your love and care for him would certainly be rewarding for your relationship.
I would give my best effort to help you.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Take care.
Dr. Shubham Mehta,
M.D. (Psychiatry).
Just be persistent and selfless in your care for him.
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Welcome to HCM.
I have read your query and understand your concerns.
It hurts when the person you love returns your gifts.
But dear, as you have mentioned that your boyfriend is suffering from paranoid schizophrenia (assuming it to be a confirmed diagnosis), I think he might be acting under some of his delusions or paranoia.
You should not feel disappointed because he might not be doing this intentionally.
As paranoid schizophrenia is a severe psychiatric illness needing long term anti-psychotics and does NOT improves on its own, I hope he is being treated adequately with appropriate drugs (antipsychotic drugs like olanzapine, risperidone etc).
Now if you can give some details, I would be able to help you better:
1. Has he been taking his drugs regularly?
2. Has the schizophrenia symptoms resolved? Like his delusions, hallucinations etc?
3. Some persons with schizophrenia progress to post-schizophrenic depression. Has he any symptoms of depression like sad mood, anhedonia, hopelessness and helplessness?
4. Does he have any specific delusions or paranoia against you or any of your family members?
You have to care for him unconditionally even if he refuses for it. I know its easier said than done but I hope and wish that your love and care for him would certainly be rewarding for your relationship.
I would give my best effort to help you.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Take care.
Dr. Shubham Mehta,
M.D. (Psychiatry).
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
No he does not take medicine at all and turned on us returning our gifts and filing an injunction against us. i emailed him that he could be involuntarily committed and was rather graphic about what could happen in his present state strapped to a gurney etc.and fed meds. That was because he filed a false injunction of harassment against me. He may be paranoid but only partially as if we could i would try to get him involuntarily committed.He wont get help voluntarily and to my knowledge, he threw out all his meds either when his wife died or when he was in his twenties. A local therapist diagnosed him with paranoid schizophrenia and he was furious with that diagnosis and the therapist.A mean woman told him lies about us and I think he is still afraid and upset with us because in our concern and love we had welfare checks done on him so now he wants nothing to do with us anymore. Yes he has anhedonia, depressed mood and to my knowledge none of this has resolved because he refuses to respond to emails, calls or cards since May when he last told me he loved me. I am sad, feel rejected and am afraid for him knowing he will probably never forgive me or want to see me again. Please help
Not sure how to love him unconditionally as he doesnt want us anymore and refuses to respond. The judge also made us promise not to see each other for a year but we are moving to Israel in two months and I dont know what to do anymore.
Oops. Forgot a few things...his pre morbid personality I am not totally sure as he began with schizophrenia I amalmost positive over 40 years ago when he was in his twenties. I did not know him then. His second wife died three years ago and I met him two years after she died...but when he was with us before he got so angry and suspicious of us andI meant to say that he was afraid we would have him hospitalized which is only partially a delusion as we wanted to get him help, he was the kindest most loving gentlest man I have EVER known in my entire 65 years...but this man currently is not the same man I fell in love with...he is suspicious, angry chased me out of his store and before we laughed andtalked and yet was talking to his dead wife and a 'psychic satanist" whom he kept saying was doing sexual things to him psychically..I thought it was weird ut wasn't afraid until May when he said "entities" were telling him to "kill people as (he)I am a murderer." its been four months since the injunction was withdrawn but the judge made us promise not to see each other for a year..I will be gone by then....
Asked by Me , 3 hours ago
Not sure how to love him unconditionally as he doesnt want us anymore and refuses to respond. The judge also made us promise not to see each other for a year but we are moving to Israel in two months and I dont know what to do anymore.
Oops. Forgot a few things...his pre morbid personality I am not totally sure as he began with schizophrenia I amalmost positive over 40 years ago when he was in his twenties. I did not know him then. His second wife died three years ago and I met him two years after she died...but when he was with us before he got so angry and suspicious of us andI meant to say that he was afraid we would have him hospitalized which is only partially a delusion as we wanted to get him help, he was the kindest most loving gentlest man I have EVER known in my entire 65 years...but this man currently is not the same man I fell in love with...he is suspicious, angry chased me out of his store and before we laughed andtalked and yet was talking to his dead wife and a 'psychic satanist" whom he kept saying was doing sexual things to him psychically..I thought it was weird ut wasn't afraid until May when he said "entities" were telling him to "kill people as (he)I am a murderer." its been four months since the injunction was withdrawn but the judge made us promise not to see each other for a year..I will be gone by then....
Asked by Me , 3 hours ago
Brief Answer:
maintain a distance from him for now (few days).
Detailed Answer:
Thanks for posting the details.
I have gone through the details and can understand your situation.
It feels rejected and bad when the person you love does not care for you.
But i think this is what unconditional love and care is. Keep loving even after rejection.
As you have mentioned that he has made a total cut-off from you and your family, has returned your gifts and doesnt want to see you, i think you should respect his wish for now. The more you will try to persuade him, the more paranoid he will become against you. Please donot try to make contacts with him for a month atleast. I know it would be tough for you but its required at present for future benefits. (you mentioned that you still have two months before you leave for israel).
If there is a person who can act as a mediator between you and him, the one on whom he has faith, you can take help from that person. You can ask a mediator to visit him frequently and share his emotions and reason for ignoring and rejecting you. The person can gradually make him realize that how sincerely you love him. A trustworthy mediator can also persuade him to take his medicines.
As you have mentioned that he has symptoms of depression, he might recover in one month to some extent from depression if his feelings are shared. Once he starts feeling better, then you can visit him once or twice in a week and express your love.
There are few reasons why i am telling you to stay from him for now:
1. If his paranoia becomes stronger against you, he would never ever like to see you again.
2. He is homicidal and under influence of some entities. He might harm you.
3. As he also depressed, he might comit suicide or harm himself. I am sure you would not want this.
4. As judge has also directed you to not to meet him, there might be legal issues. If the judge gets to know that you are still approaching him, the judge might indict a lifetime ban on you to see him. This would be more painful.
If any of the above thing happens, it will be bad for your relationship.
So you have to act more sensibly and practically at present, for long term safety of your relationship.
Also, keep praying daily for his early recovery. Prayers can do wonders if done whole heartedly.
You should try to be optimistic. God will surely answer your prayers.
Hope my suggestions can help you.
If you feel like asking anything else, you are most welcome.
I wish for your healthy and loving relationship.
Take care.
Dr. Shubham Mehta
maintain a distance from him for now (few days).
Detailed Answer:
Thanks for posting the details.
I have gone through the details and can understand your situation.
It feels rejected and bad when the person you love does not care for you.
But i think this is what unconditional love and care is. Keep loving even after rejection.
As you have mentioned that he has made a total cut-off from you and your family, has returned your gifts and doesnt want to see you, i think you should respect his wish for now. The more you will try to persuade him, the more paranoid he will become against you. Please donot try to make contacts with him for a month atleast. I know it would be tough for you but its required at present for future benefits. (you mentioned that you still have two months before you leave for israel).
If there is a person who can act as a mediator between you and him, the one on whom he has faith, you can take help from that person. You can ask a mediator to visit him frequently and share his emotions and reason for ignoring and rejecting you. The person can gradually make him realize that how sincerely you love him. A trustworthy mediator can also persuade him to take his medicines.
As you have mentioned that he has symptoms of depression, he might recover in one month to some extent from depression if his feelings are shared. Once he starts feeling better, then you can visit him once or twice in a week and express your love.
There are few reasons why i am telling you to stay from him for now:
1. If his paranoia becomes stronger against you, he would never ever like to see you again.
2. He is homicidal and under influence of some entities. He might harm you.
3. As he also depressed, he might comit suicide or harm himself. I am sure you would not want this.
4. As judge has also directed you to not to meet him, there might be legal issues. If the judge gets to know that you are still approaching him, the judge might indict a lifetime ban on you to see him. This would be more painful.
If any of the above thing happens, it will be bad for your relationship.
So you have to act more sensibly and practically at present, for long term safety of your relationship.
Also, keep praying daily for his early recovery. Prayers can do wonders if done whole heartedly.
You should try to be optimistic. God will surely answer your prayers.
Hope my suggestions can help you.
If you feel like asking anything else, you are most welcome.
I wish for your healthy and loving relationship.
Take care.
Dr. Shubham Mehta
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Yogesh D
So he doesn't care anymore then? Why? What did I do wrong? I only loved him..he unblocked my emails for nearly a month...I still love him so much....and it hurts so bad.... I have no idea why this happened when my son had a dream and I had a vision about us being married....
BTW, there is NO one to do mediation. I have not contacted him much except for yesterday when I sent text-less emails through. I felt crazy and wanted to know if he was even receiving them....I thought he still cared as he still was taking them and had unblocked his phones....he obviosly doesnt want me anymore
This was not at all helpful. I need more compassion and emotional support..sorry
BTW, there is NO one to do mediation. I have not contacted him much except for yesterday when I sent text-less emails through. I felt crazy and wanted to know if he was even receiving them....I thought he still cared as he still was taking them and had unblocked his phones....he obviosly doesnt want me anymore
This was not at all helpful. I need more compassion and emotional support..sorry
Brief Answer:
Stay persistent in your actions. Never lose hope.
Detailed Answer:
Sorry that you could not find the idea helpful.
Dear, I did not say that he doesn't care for you any more or you did anything wrong.
But i would like you to understand his case to. His is completely deluded and paranoid. Anything done even in his good faith will be perceived bad by him.
This is not your fault. This is due to his illness.
I was just trying to make you realize that situation he is in.
As I told you earlier, the more you will try to persuade him, the more rejection you will face (due to his delusions). This will make you feel more ignored and sad.
We see lot of patients suffering from schizophrenia. In many of the cases the caregivers and loved ones isolate the patient feeling that they care for the patient but in return get rejection, abuses and assaults. This makes them to isolate their patients.
But there are also people, who stay with their patients in the hope the patient at some point of time would understand their love and care. Ultimately, this acts as a healing therapy for their patients. This brings back their life and love to normal.
As you know him since long, you must be knowing his likes and dislikes.
If he has rejected one of your gifts, you can find another one, like his most favorite thing, or the send him in writing the most lovable dream which you two saw together at some time, some spiritual idols or anything he is obsessed with or like very much.
Also try to avoid the things which he dislikes.
You might have to face rejections a few more times. But this is where persistence comes into play. You have to show him that you love him like anything. Sooner or later, he will realize the intensity and strength of your love for him. Take this as a test of your true love for him and think that you have to pass under all circumstances.
But please make sure that your gifts/letters are not send in quick succession. (say give a gap of 3-5 days between sending each gift). Never argue with him.
And also take care good care of yourself. The more healthy you are, the more strength you would have to cope up with this.
Hope this helps.
Would be happy to help you further if you wish.
Thanks.
Stay persistent in your actions. Never lose hope.
Detailed Answer:
Sorry that you could not find the idea helpful.
Dear, I did not say that he doesn't care for you any more or you did anything wrong.
But i would like you to understand his case to. His is completely deluded and paranoid. Anything done even in his good faith will be perceived bad by him.
This is not your fault. This is due to his illness.
I was just trying to make you realize that situation he is in.
As I told you earlier, the more you will try to persuade him, the more rejection you will face (due to his delusions). This will make you feel more ignored and sad.
We see lot of patients suffering from schizophrenia. In many of the cases the caregivers and loved ones isolate the patient feeling that they care for the patient but in return get rejection, abuses and assaults. This makes them to isolate their patients.
But there are also people, who stay with their patients in the hope the patient at some point of time would understand their love and care. Ultimately, this acts as a healing therapy for their patients. This brings back their life and love to normal.
As you know him since long, you must be knowing his likes and dislikes.
If he has rejected one of your gifts, you can find another one, like his most favorite thing, or the send him in writing the most lovable dream which you two saw together at some time, some spiritual idols or anything he is obsessed with or like very much.
Also try to avoid the things which he dislikes.
You might have to face rejections a few more times. But this is where persistence comes into play. You have to show him that you love him like anything. Sooner or later, he will realize the intensity and strength of your love for him. Take this as a test of your true love for him and think that you have to pass under all circumstances.
But please make sure that your gifts/letters are not send in quick succession. (say give a gap of 3-5 days between sending each gift). Never argue with him.
And also take care good care of yourself. The more healthy you are, the more strength you would have to cope up with this.
Hope this helps.
Would be happy to help you further if you wish.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Shanthi.E
I am so afraid of the continual rejection. I bought a DVD I knew he would like because it was about Jesus whom he loves and still he rejected it. He rejected the CD and the Chanukah card...I am afraid too of the cops and the police.. I am not even sure now if I will even email him we are leaving for Israel ..he never responds..so what is the point...it is too dangerous to go to his house...and we are really not allowed contact so it is really confusing time and sad time too...not sure what else to do
He is also very unpredictable which is scary too. The last thing I need is for the cops to file charges against me. He is potentially volatile and his delusions are in part that I am going to have him locked up....with the DID he switches super fast...
He is also very unpredictable which is scary too. The last thing I need is for the cops to file charges against me. He is potentially volatile and his delusions are in part that I am going to have him locked up....with the DID he switches super fast...
Brief Answer:
Balance practical & emotional aspects of situation
Detailed Answer:
Let me try to clear your confusion and help you make the right decision which is best for you, for him and for your relationship.
You have mentioned that he has specific delusions against you that you will get him locked. He has rejected your gifts. He is unpredictable and has DID.
Has he assaulted you in past?
All these things strongly guide us that you should try to maintain a distance from him for some time now.
I am not saying you to leave or forget him or any such things, but just to maintain a safe and reasonable distance. Give him time to think and realize your importance on his own. Over few days he will realize his commitments made to you and the lovely relationship which you have had earlier.
Your constant trials of persuasion might increase his frustrations and would intensify his delusions against you.
As a result, the distances between you two would increase. That would be more painful than this situation. He might again file some legal suits against you and you would land in bigger troubles.
On the other hand, you must keep yourself strong and optimistic. The more emotionally strong you be, the more right decisions you would be able to take.
Decisions made in emotionally intensive states are harmful in long run.
I would request to try to stay calm and think rationally. You still have two months. God will surely give you an opportunity to work on.
Also, a ray of hope here is his DID.
Are there any times when he is calm, receptive, emotional and ready to accept things due to his change in personality?
This is the time when you can approach him with positivity.
I think two months is not the less time to change things.
I am sure he himself will approach you and will accept your love in coming days. But right now, i think he needs some time.
Hope you understand this.
Please do not hesitate to talk further.
Wish you good luck.
Thanks.
Balance practical & emotional aspects of situation
Detailed Answer:
Let me try to clear your confusion and help you make the right decision which is best for you, for him and for your relationship.
You have mentioned that he has specific delusions against you that you will get him locked. He has rejected your gifts. He is unpredictable and has DID.
Has he assaulted you in past?
All these things strongly guide us that you should try to maintain a distance from him for some time now.
I am not saying you to leave or forget him or any such things, but just to maintain a safe and reasonable distance. Give him time to think and realize your importance on his own. Over few days he will realize his commitments made to you and the lovely relationship which you have had earlier.
Your constant trials of persuasion might increase his frustrations and would intensify his delusions against you.
As a result, the distances between you two would increase. That would be more painful than this situation. He might again file some legal suits against you and you would land in bigger troubles.
On the other hand, you must keep yourself strong and optimistic. The more emotionally strong you be, the more right decisions you would be able to take.
Decisions made in emotionally intensive states are harmful in long run.
I would request to try to stay calm and think rationally. You still have two months. God will surely give you an opportunity to work on.
Also, a ray of hope here is his DID.
Are there any times when he is calm, receptive, emotional and ready to accept things due to his change in personality?
This is the time when you can approach him with positivity.
I think two months is not the less time to change things.
I am sure he himself will approach you and will accept your love in coming days. But right now, i think he needs some time.
Hope you understand this.
Please do not hesitate to talk further.
Wish you good luck.
Thanks.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
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