Hi, I have manic depression and I have had plenty of treatment, but I just don t feel I am getting better, I will admit that I thought I was doing well at one stage but then I nearly lost my dad in a heart operation and I just went spiraling back down into the dark cloud again. My family, friends and work colleagues think I am doing better, I tell people that I am doing better just so they stop worrying about me, but honestly I have never been so bad, all I think about is my own death and how no one would care. I just don t think I can speak up again and admit that I need help. I cant put my family through this heartache again. I don t know what to do. I even tell my doctor that I am fine. Can you please offer some advise.