Suggest Remedy For Severe Pain In Spine

Hi, I am Donna and I am Mama to four amazing children, 2 boys, 13 and 15, and two little girls, aged 6 and 9. When our oldest daughter was born, actually during the labour, existing (mild) back pain suddenly, as the babys head came down, turned into very sharp, constant pain in my lower spine. The night before, the midwife told me that the baby was in a breach position and I was very distressed because they said that I couldn t birth naturally, they d need to do it by caesarean. I went to the bathroom (single room, en-suite) and I jumped and jumped until I felt breathless, around 20-30 jumps, and then returned to bed, feeling defeated and sad. A few minutes after I lay down, my baby suddenly turned (which was an ordeal in itself as it took over a minute and, as you can imagine, there was a lot of pressure and discomfort, which sent a couple of lightning bolts of extreme pain into my lower spine. I called the midwife through, and at ten to twelve on the 17th of April, 2005, they took a portable scan which showed my girl had indeed turned and was no longer breech! So back to the delivery. As I birthed her head, I felt very little pain as I stretched to let her head out compared to the birth of her brothers, but the pain I felt in my back and hip was excruciating. Nine years down the track and still in pretty strong pain. Although it got better in the 6 months following birth, most days I spend sore and distressed. I cant show it to my husband, parents and children because it hurts them to see it and I m fairly certain that my Mums Parkinsons Disease has come on as a result of the stress I have caused her. I was once a dancer, and felt pride that I was often told I moved like one, but now I limp, am clumsy looking and even find it hard to put on my socks, underwear and jeans without sitting down and physically lifting my leg with my hand. I am desperate not to live like this, yet the doctors seem to have given up. I don t want to increase pain medicine because it makes me feel stoned and I have my beautiful children to care for. Steroids are great but I m not able to live on them. I hate that I am now a clumsy staggering old woman and that my family hurts so much to see me constantly struggling, but I have tried every technique, therapy and although some have helped, either they are profoundly expensive, or they need to be administered frequently. I just want to stop hurting WITHOUT spending massive dollars or filling my life back up with appointments. The hardest things about this whole business are; Not being able to do the things I want to do with my children Knowing how ungainly and ugly I look limping everywhere, (especially in front of my husband) Watching my family hurt when they know I m struggling Being the cause of my Mums Parkinsons and finally, in the years I ve dealt with this, all the time I have spent getting treatments from people who claimed they could help, only to have spent thousands and thousands of dollars ( and precious hours I could have spent enjoying my children) I despise the woozy spacey feeling that you get from some medicines and so don t want to increase meds to anything higher than I have already been on, (although if I could safely increase the anxiety meds I would!). I feel like I have coped so well with all of this for so long and in fact, my family boast that I have a high pain threshold and that I have coped so well but I am not. I am at the point where I d rather be dead. I am desperate, please help me!