Hello, I have Complex Ptsd Since 4,5 years. I did work in East-Africa for a while in an after Genocide country and as much as I loved my work I found it very difficult to listen to all the individual accounts of my friends there. All of them had lost family members through horrible ways I do not want to describe on this page. Almost after one year into my job I got raped by a person I did trust. It was an extremely difficult situation as I loved my job and my friends there and wanted to stay. I just became more and more jumpie and felt less and less energy, combined with typical trauma symptoms. I lived very isolated and did have no support. At some point it was quite clear I needed a time out. Unfortunately it ended up in a total breakdown once I was in my home country and I ended up in a hospital for quite a while. That from having had all this amazing time in the year before and me being a very independent outgoing person. In my despair of wanting to go back but being not able to I took masses of overdoses. I know it sounds impossible but It was between 20-30. All of them ended up in the hospital with being unconscious. It was a very difficult time as during therapy a lot of old trauma was opened up and it felt to overwhelming and just to much. I recently started to feel really bad again after a year where things became much better. It s been a Taff time recently and I ended up taking three just small overdoses and did hide in a Forrest through them so nobody would call an ambulance or find me. I just wanted a rest from it all. I don t want to give in into this. I became fairly strong again and hope to go back to work next year - in the country I am currently in in Europe. I am trying to get some help, your advice to see things a bit clearer and not to keep on taking ODs. I am dreaming about them as being so good for relaxing. But it s not good. I have a lot of body symptoms due to traumatic memories at the moment. I lost my sister to cancer and my parents decline contact since I got ill. Thanks for reading this, Me