Question: What does it mean when right after sex my wife immediately wipes off any of my semen she might have on, e.g., her thigh right back on to me? The way she does this is the way I imagine someone might wipe off excrement, as if it were disgusting. Thank you.

She and I are upper middle class, very well educated. My own attitude towards sex is healthy and giving and fun. We divorced after 11 years. She was uncommunicative and closed about sex and reticent about her emotional life. Not playful or fun. She would permit only one position, and very seldom had an orgasm. She would sometimes scream at me if I initiated sex.

In which country are you a psychologist? I ask because English is clearly not you native language. If you live in a foreign, e.g., Asain culture, your sexual mores and gender and sexual relations may be quite different than in the contemporary U.S. If this is the case your answers may not be helpful for my own cultural and psychological context.

Thank you,

She and I did have marriage counseling and this issue did come up in conversation. She was very reluctant to discuss it. During the conversation with the psychologist, as I was trying to explain to him, she just turned on the couch and looked out the window, as if she were just going away. After counseling sessions, things might seem a little calm for about 2-4 hours. But then she would explode like a vulcano, screaming and shouting that the marriage was hopeless, that we should get a divorce.

Throughout the several years of our marriage, she apparently had a very difficult time identifying and talking about her own feelings. She would literally just say that she "doesn't know" and would become quite uncomformtable. This is the opposite of me: I know about my feelings. I can identify and share and talk about them. I like to do that with close friends and family. Like a lot of people, I too of course have things that have been hurtful, e.g., dead brother, sometimes feelings of insecurity, but I know about them, even appreciate them for whatever they can now help me understand.

If it is helpful, her mother is overbearing, talks incessantly, highly opinioned especially her belief in Republican conservative politics and her
disdain for liberals, liberalism and the "liberal media." I believe she is
also psychologically quite manipulative, very rarely offers words of
of easy going spontaneous encourage or affection or reassurance, though
the mother is aslo clearly committed to her children and her family. The father is very quiet. I was never allowed to feel secure that I was part of "the family." I sensed that part of this was that I did not share their values esp. politically, since I am a professor and liberal. The mother would often attack me for liberal
views.

So I am still wondering about her attitude towards sex and specifically my own semen which she acted like it was excrement. Someone, a close friend, who in fact told me he had been sexually abused at a young age, said to me that in his understanding acting like semen is so discusting that it is like excrement, that needs to be wiped off, is one of the clear indications that someone has been sexually abused.

I have had the feeling that the there is a strange relationship somehow
between the behavior of my then wife and her mother. My wife never ever stood up to her mother, never confronted her, never said "mother, your attitude about that issue is mean and overbearing." She never said, "mother, my husband is a good person. I won't allow you to attack him the way you do, especially not in our house." Never. I would have to defend myself against her mother alone.

Please offer your views on all this. Thank you.