2 Sundays ago I was awoken in the middle of the night startled and feeling the need to gasp to inhale as if I hadn t for a few seconds. I didn t know the reasoning behind this but it frightened me enough to keep me up the rest of the night. I spent the entire night searching the internet for answers and came up with sleep apnea. Doing this research worried me even more thinking that I might fall asleep one night and stop breathing for too long. This raised my anxiety quite considerably and I didn t sleep well for the next 48 hours. Finally I went into the ER since I don t have a primary doctor or insurance and was told that I was fine and that I could be referred to a sleep study that could determine whether I had sleep apnea or not. I was not able to attend that study for lack of the financial means to do so but that was just the beginning. The gasping feeling never returned but something else set in. That initial situation made me very anxious about myself and my well being and I could not relax. I panicked on and off for the next few days and then suddenly ended up feeling a strange pressure in my head and ears. I tried to sleep it off one night but the chest tightness and weird sensation in my sinuses was too much to relax so I went to the ER for a second time. Blood tests came back normal as well as the second chest xray but when the Doctor checked my ears she saw that I had fluid behind my ear drums indicative of a viral infection which they termed Labyrinthitis . I was told that since it was viral and not bacterial that they could not give me any medication to attack the virus and that my body would recover on it s own. I was instructed to follow up with my primary Doctor which I don t have so finding a Doctor who is not booked up and that charges a fee that I can afford has also increased my anxiety since I ve yet to find one. Eventually I ended up in deep depression unlike anything I ve ever felt before. It was a helpless and hopeless feeling of despair that I couldn t shake off. This last around 4 days straight. At it s worst it made me not desire to continue living in my current physical and mental state which frightened me even more. I had no one to talk to about this and didn t want to be drugged up with anti depressants for fear of being dependent on them and also felt that God wouldn t approve of a secular treatment. I didn t eat or sleep for days on end and I became quite fatigued physically, mentally, spiritually and any other way possible. I still haven t been eating as much as I would normally and don t really have the desire to. I ve been feeling distant from my wife and sons like I ve forgotten how to love or have to remind myself that I love them. It s almost as if in the space of 2/3 days I changed from one person to someone completely different. Although the depression hasn t hit me as hard as it had for those 4 previous days I experienced it.... I still feel very down and detached.